Unequally Rational and Emotional Special
by OverMaster
Summary: Assorted oneshots, short stories and random material set in the Unequally Rational and Emotional, Fate: Unequally Blade Works and The Keys of The Kingdom environment and using their cast of characters.
1. Cast of Characters

Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha created and own _Mahou Sensei Negima!_

Fujishima Kosuke and Kodansha created and own _Aa! Megamisama!_

Kumeta Koji and Kodansha created and own _Sayonara, Zetsubou Sensei_.

Nasu Kinoko and Type-Moon created and own _Fate/Stay Night_.

Hasemi Saki, Yabuki Kentaro and Shueisha created and own _To Love Ru_.

SHAFT Studios created and own _Puella Magi Madoka Magica_.

Bill Finger and Bob Kane created and DC Comics owns _Batman_.

Warner Bros. Animation created and owns _Animaniacs_.

Jim Davis created and owns _Garfield_.

Sunrise Studios created and own _Mai HiME_.

Kubo Tite and Shueisha created and own _Bleach_.

Thanks to Shadow Crystal Mage for the proofreading, spellchecking and added jokes.

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 **Unequally Rational and Emotional Special**.

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 **Dramatis Personae**.

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 **Negi T. Springfield:** A ten year-old prodigy graduate from Wales' Merdiana Academy. Negi is a mage in training, assigned by a magic diploma to serve a stint as a teacher in Japan's Mahora Academy. Now the homeroom and English teacher of Junior High Class 3-A (Girl's School Side), Negi has gotten himself embroiled in several conflicts that have, more often than not, demanded for him to establish Provisional Alliances or 'Pactios', with his students, something he's still morally troubled by.

Negi is a studious, yet naive young gentleman who knows a disturbing amount of foreign swear words, but hides a frustrated, overbearing side of himself and is obsessively focused on finding his long father Nagi, a feared mage best known as 'the Thousand Master'. For some reason, he's never wondered whether a mother might have been part of it at some point.

 **Hasegawa Chisame:** Negi's first roommate and Pactio partner at Mahora. Chisame is no-nonsense, stern and gruffly motherly teenager who hates getting herself tangled into Negi's magical pursuits, yet won't allow him to embark on them on his own either. Chisame also hides a side of herself known only by Negi, Satomi, Chamo the ermine, Misora and Cocone; secretly she is the ultra popular, peppy and sexy Internet idol known only as 'Chiu'.

Chisame is a master hacker and computer guru whose idea of a good time is locking herself in her room to work at her webpage while Negi sits nearby. Much to her distress , she's almost as popular with boys and girls alike as Negi is, despite popularity sort of being the point of idols, and she even has her own dedicated stalker, Tsunetsuki Matoi.

 **Kasuga Misora:** Negi's second Pactio partner. An orphan who was left on the doorstep of Mahora's Mary Magdalene Church, where she was raised as an apprentice in the ways of the Magical Nun. Misora is an adorable coward and slacker who regardless has fallen in love with Negi hard enough she'll always try her best for him, even if she's scared out of her wits.

Her Alliance with Negi grants her a set of super-speed shoes that make her capable of incredible feats of velocity, mostly used for running away. Misora is deeply convinced of the existence of the Judeochristian God, although she's willing to conveniently forget the parts of Catholicism that imply falling in love with your ten year-old teacher is on the sinful side.

 **Hakase Satomi:** Negi's third Pactio partner, and his and Chisame's roommate. Satomi is a brilliant but scatter brained scientific genius mostly specializing in robotics and aerodynamic vehicular design, with some amateur sex toy construction on the side. She's the co-creator of lovable robot girl Karakuri Chachamaru along with Chao Linghsen, and she treats Chachamaru as her spoiled daughter.

Satomi has a strong physical and sentimental attraction towards both Chisame and Negi, but she has settled in a tentative romantic liaison with Shiina Sakurako regardless. She and Matoi dislike each other, thinking of themselves as rivals for Chisame's attentions. Satomi's Pactio gives her a set of mechanic arms that infuse her with super strength, making her an effective short range grappler and brawler.

 **Kakizaki Misa:** Negi's fourth Pactio partner. A wordly, fashionable girl usually only worried about money and boys with good looks until she started caring about Negi and began taking things more seriously. She still retains a 'party girl' personality, and is ferociously competitive with Ayaka, Misora, Haruka and Chisame in their competition for Negi's attentions.

Misa is a cheerleader and an excellent singer, and is seen by the Mahora student body as one of the most desired girls in campus, granting her the social status of a widely admired Queen Bee. However, within Negi's Ala Alba, she doesn't get a lot of respect. Misa's Pactio consists of a set of throwing light needles, able of piercing through nearly everything. Those needles, upon impacting a living being, have the effect of lightening up their spirits, inducing nearly mindless glee, most often conveyed through uncontrollable laughter. Misa's father is a show business enterpriser knowledgeable about the world of magic.

 **Kaguraka Asuna:** Negi's fifth Pactio partner. Like Misora, Asuna is an orphan with a mysterious past. She was all but adopted by professor Takamichi T. Takahata, on whom she's held a precocious crush ever since her childhood. Asuna is strong and athletic, a loyal friend and a never-say-die type, but she's academically incompetent and often oblivious to facts, although she still has lots of basic common sense and a down to earth personality. She claims to hate children and only tolerates Negi, but since she's one of the few Ministra not in love with him, he knows he can resort to her as an impartial confidant and big sister figure.

Asuna is Konoka's roommate and best friend, and a bitter childhood rival with Ayaka. She likes older, masculine gentlemen over younger and more delicate boys. Already gifted with an enigmatic endurance against magic, her Pactio grants her with a massive spell-cancelling paper fan that can be changed into a just as gigantic sword she swings around with no apparent effort.

 **Shiina Sakurako:** Negi's sixth Pactio partner, and Satomi's official girlfriend. Her dream is marrying Satomi and having children with her, with Negi being the sperm donor and possible partner on the side. She's a happy go lucky girl with eclectic tastes and an incredible luck, making her virtually unbeatable at any sort of gambling and games of chance. She's best friends with fellow cheerleaders Misa and Madoka.

Sakurako's Pactio Artifact is a set of cheerleading pom-poms that, through waving and matching chanting, can alter probabilities around herself, making her a valuable boon to her allies on the battlefield. Her older cousin is a famous literary author, but also a savant with crippling learning disabilities in everyday routines. Sakurako also owns three female cats, Felicia, Yoruichi and Blair.

 **Suzushiro Haruka:** Negi's seventh Pactio partner. The Vice President of Mahora's Student Council, in constant odds with the more popular and beloved President Fujino Shizuru. Haruka is a strong minded, often stubborn young woman who will always says whatever is on her mind at the time, regardless of whether or not she can pronounce it, or if it's actually the right word. The daughter of a heartless mogul, she grew to hate him, and she has an unyielding, black and white sense of morality and duty. Her demanding traits make her disliked and feared by most students, but she's fiercely loyal to those she considers her friends and will never abandon her post.

Already a self-trained strong woman before her Pactio, through it she channels inhuman amounts of raw power, making her the physically strongest of all Ministra, with only Madoka approaching her level. In that state she can also attack using a titanic spiked mace. Her childhood friend Yukino was recently lost in Mundus Magicus, and Haruka has sworn she'll find her. After kissing Negi accidentally, she insists they are engaged in marriage so he can clear her maidenly honor.

 **Saotome Haruna:** Negi's eighth Pactio partner. A young woman filled with love towards all those around her, but she only knows how to express it through ways that make everyone believe she's a pervert. She's also a pervert. She grew up in a large home filled with all sorts of sincere but strange love, marking her outlook on life forever. Her father, a devoted martial artist, trained her as a fighter once it was clear he wouldn't be getting a male heir and her mother wouldn't let him give her a magical sex-change, but Haruna would rather be a sequential artist with a keen eye for erotic design, and an accomplished librarian and book lover.

A girl with a modern heart, deeply devoted to her boyfriend Rito but also willing to engage in sensuous pursuits with those she regards as her comrades for life. Haruna's Pactio gives her a drawing set that can make her creations come to life magically, allowing her for a wide variety of attack and defense functions. However, any damage her creations get will also impact negatively upon herself.

 **Yukihiro Ayaka:** Negi's ninth Pactio partner. The class representative of Class 3-A and Makie's roommate. Ayaka is, much like Haruka, dutiful and mindful of authority, but tends to implement her power in subtler, less imposing ways, making her a woman of the people despite her aristocratic origins. Her only enemies are Misa, her rival in love, and mostly Asuna, whom she's been clashing with since Asuna's arrival at Mahora years ago. Despite her quirks of occasional gullibility, Ayaka is a respected leader both in the campus and within Ala Alba, as long as her strange tensions with Asuna and her over the top affections towards Negi aren't getting the best of her.

Her mother is a Mundus Magicus battle mage who married a Japanese businessman, and Ayaka has a natural affinity for magic which might even approach Negi's if she trained it hard enough. As it is, she stands happy to remain one of his lieutenants. Ayaka is a skilled equestrian and outstanding student, well read and cultured. She loves roses and refined things. Her Pactio consists of a powerful whip, although it is less versatile than other weapons at Ala Alba's avail.

 **Akashi Yuuna:** Negi's tenth Pactio partner. Her father is Professor Akashi Wataru, the Master of Caster in the Holy Grail War. Yuuna and her father love each other dearly, growing mutually dependent after the death of Yuuna's mother Yuuka, who was Wataru's Ministra. Like her mother, Yuuna has a Pactio Artifact consisting of a set of handguns shooting magic canceling knockout projectiles.

She's a sharp tongued young woman who is well aware of her sexuality, is not above teasing others with it, and lost her virginity in a lesbian tryst with a parallel world version of a friend of hers. Despite that, she won't commit herself to actual relationships easily, and claims she needs to find someone who is as reliable as her father. She's actually in cahoots with Skuld and Chao behind the backs of the rest of Ala Alba, thinking it's in everyone's best interests to reveal magic to the world at large. Yuuna is a bit of a neat freak and hates sloppy behavior, something she'll sometimes rant at Makie about.

 **Hasegawa Sora:** Negi's eleventh Pactio partner. A mousy, mild mannered and shy college student, and Chisame's older sister. She's never had a boyfriend, and used to pine hopelessly after a sophisticated playboy who never even noticed her. Sora is painfully insecure of herself, claiming to be a failure at everything but mechanics, where she's as accomplished as Keiichi. What hurts her the most is thinking of herself of a failure as a big sister, exasperating Chisame, who can't help walking all over her without even trying.

Sora is even smaller than her teenaged sister, with little in the way of breasts, a freckled face, and terrible cooking skills. Her Pactio Artifact is a wondrous vehicle she can drive through land, air or water and unleash a myriad of different attack types upon her foes, but she's too much of a pacifist to make an effective use of it. Used to be a student of Nekomi Tech Institute until she moved to Mahora along Keiichi, so she could help Chisame and Negi.

 **Konoe Konoka:** Negi's twelfth Pactio partner. The sole granddaughter of Mahora's Headmaster Konoe Konoemon, daughter of his daughter Kouko (often nicknamed 'Konoeko') and Nagi's old friend swordsman Eishun, adopted into the Konoe clan. Neither of them knows it, but she and Yuuna are cousins since Eishun and Wataru are brothers separated since their earliest childhood. She also has a half-sister, renegade young biker and brooding delinquent Kuga Natsuki, daughter of Eishun and shady researcher Kuga Saeko, who disappeared years ago. Natsuki is protective of Konoka from a distance, but Konoka has no idea she's her sister.

Konoka is a cheerful, optimistic girl deeply in love with her 'bodyguard' Setsuna, but is not above teasing others, Setsuna included, for her own entertainment. She hides an overwhelming magical potential that could greatly surpass Negi's given enough training. Her Pactio grants her a set of ceremonial fans that greatly boost her already impressive healing magic, making her Ala Alba's default White Mage.

 **Sakurazaki Setsuna** : Negi's thirteenth Pactio partner. Setsuna's mother was a member of the crow demon tribe from the Japanese hillside, a race of ancient creatures in slow decline due to mankind's ravages upon nature. Her father is David Cain, globetrotter killer for hire and also father to Lady Shiva's spawn Cassandra and Tsukuyomi, the daughter of a wayward Aoyama. Tsukuyomi and Setsuna were adopted by the Konoes, but a psychotic fit of young Tsukuyomi upon Konoka made both sisters fall into disgrace in Kouko's eyes, something Konoka has never fully forgiven her mother for.

Setsuna devotes her life to Konoka's service almost obsessively, thinking herself to be unfit of her company as an equal, no matter what Konoka says on the contrary. Setsuna is a prodigy of the sword, gifted with superhuman skill and speed, which she puts to good use as an unofficial guardian of Mahora's borders. Being half-crow demon, she also has wings that can be deployed to allow her flight, although she hates doing so out of a sense of shame and self disgust. Negi's alliance granted upon her a magical sword that increases her fighting efficiency even further. She is currently training Asuna in the ways of the blade, and she's developed a good friendship with her.

 **Cocone Fatima Rosa:** Negi's fourteenth Pactio partner. She's Misora's roommate, fellow nun in training, and best friend. Her appearance is that of a little girl, but she might actually be older due to coming from a mysterious race of Mundus Magicus inhabitants. Exactly how old is she, nobody but she knows. She's a girl of scarce, measured words, quiet and responsible, hard working and always looking after Misora. Misora ignores it altogether, but Cocone is in love with her, something everybody else, even Negi, is well aware of.

Cocone is a good student and has several good friends in her Elementary class. She hates wearing shoes and goes without them at any given chance. Through her Pactio with Negi, she has access to a small cross that allows her to summon devastating divine lightning from the sky that might not actually be magical in origin.

 **Kugimiya Madoka** : Negi's fifteenth Pactio partner. Another cheerleader, Misa and Sakurako's friend and roommate. Madoka is a common sense individual who can easily grow exasperated over her friends' extreme quirks. She has a complex over her slightly husky voice, which she thinks to be masculine and ugly. She has romantic feelings for Kyon-sempai from the S.O.S. Brigade club, moving her to serve the Brigade and their deranged leader-president-dictator Suzumiya Haruhi for a few months.

Currently, she's Haruhi's mole in Ala Alba, something everybody in Ala Alba is aware of because Haruhi told them herself. Madoka's Pactio with Negi allows her access to a huge mallet and superhuman strenght surpassed, within the ranks of the Ministra, only by Haruka's. The Pactio also puts her in a skimpy battle bikini, which mortifies her to no end.

 **Alice Liddell:** Negi's sixteenth Pactio partner. She comes from a parallel multiverse briefly visited by Negi and his Ala Alba. She actually is the famous Alice from Lewis Carroll's Wonderland stories, a twelve year old proper English lady who, much like Haruka, considers herself to be engaged to Negi after he took her first kiss.

She is one of the Princesses of the Heart, a group of young women who hold the key to defeat darkness in their hearts. Her Pactio with Negi grants her the infamous 'Drink Me' bottle, which will alter her size to that of a giant or a miniature woman depending on its use. Alice is actually harder edged and even more potentially dangerous than she lets on, being capable of showing a subtle but noticeable snarking streak, as well as having a latent skill with sharp cutting instruments like knives and daggers.

 **Itoshiki Nozomu:** Negi's colleague, homeroom and Social Studies teacher to High School Class 3-F, 3-A's sworn rivals. He's far better than Negi at hiding his secret status as a dark mage, and out of all of his students, only Ai, Matoi, and the carefree Ooda Kanako are aware of it. Itoshiki is a morbidly depressed man with a worrying obsession towards his own destruction, but a curse/blessing placed upon him from birth by his father prevents him from ever dying from anything but old age. Much to his regret, he's still a young man. During his childhood, along Takahata, he was a tagalong kid to Nagi's Ala Rubra team, where he fell in unrequited puppy love with Negi's mother, Princess Arika. Due to this, he holds some level of paternal love towards Negi and considers himself honorbound to protect him to the best of his abilities, despite him having no faith at all in said abilities.

Itoshiki has abysmal self-esteem and makes a drama out of everything, thanks to his pessimistic, self-defeating attitude. Despite everything, often it seems like his repeated and useless suicide attempts are more of a way to call attention upon himself than a genuine desire to end his own existence. He can control darkness by using a wooden ruler as his magical catalyst. His relationship with Takahata is a strange one; Itoshiki seems him as a rival of sorts despite thinking himself hopelessly inferior, but Takahata only thinks of Nozomu as a good, even if patience trying, friend. His family is very powerful both magically and economically, and his younger sister Rin studies at England's Clock Tower, pretty much like another talented snarking girl named Rin.

 **Kaga Ai:** Itoshiki's Pactio partner, who learned his secret accidentally through Negi and Itoshiki's conflict with vampire witch Evangeline A.K. Mc Dowell. Ai is an extremely nervous girl who will blame herself over anything and everything. She was born in a small ninja village hidden in the mountains and actually has ninja training, but she's never brought it up because she thinks she's bad at it, because she's afraid of hurting others badly, and because the original canon hadn't revealed she was a ninja when she was first written into this story.

Ai loves her teacher very dearly and, like most of 3-F, finds the fact anyone, much less the rest of the school, could be in love with Negi perplexing, although she won't say it aloud. She's decided she'll aim to become Nozomu's wife after she's graduated. Her Pactio with him allows her to use a magical umbrella she can control water with, generally in the form of massive water blasts or bubble shields.

 **Skuld:** The Norse goddess of the future, who joined Negi's class as Student Number Thirty Two after helping them defeat Amagasaki Chigusa during their trip to Kyoto. Skuld has a hidden agenda to free her sister Belldandy, kept a prisoner by humans in Mundus Magicus, and part of her grand plan involves allying herself with Chao Lingshen to reveal magic to the world behind Negi's back. While on Earth, Skuld assumes the pretend family name Jottunsdottir. Skuld has little magical powers herself, but she's an expert on mechanical engineering and programming. She can easily create devices challenging human understanding out of mere household junk, and if given access to the Yggrdasil Net, from which she's cut off at the time, she could perform genuine feats of massive reality warping, although those tend to be forbidden by her superiors.

Skuld has the appearance of a cute thirteen year old girl, but she's actually, like her sisters, older than mankind itself. She loves ice cream, and she's Yuuna's new roommate, driving her crazy through her habits of piling mechanical pieces and half-built artifacts all over their apartment.

 **Morisato Keiichi:** Skuld's first Pactio partner, and in a prior life, soul mate to Belldandy. Back then Skuld hated him for stealing her sister's attentions away from her, but now she'd rather prefer for him to remember her. Sora's sempai at the Nekomi Motor Club, where he fell in unrequited love with campus diva Mishima Sayoko. Morisato is short for his age (and unlikely to grow any beyond this point) and rather unlucky, but he's reliable and has the most laid back, easygoing and reasonable overall attitude of all the boys in Ala Alba.

He's a master racer, and his Pactio reflects that, allowing him to drive literally anything, even normally immobile objects, he can attach his steering Wheel Artifact onto. He can drive those objects as well as he'd handle a motorcycle or automobile afterwards. He has a set of loving parents he's very attached to, making him a rarity in Ala Alba, mostly made up of people who were orphaned or distanced from their families (save Haruna and Makie and, to a lesser degree, Ayaka). He's also got a little sister, so he can bond with Rito over being the foolish big brother to the smarter Imouto.

 **Sasaki Makie:** Skuld's second Pactio partner. Makie actually stole a kiss and Pactio from Skuld when she thought she'd need an Artifact of her own to survive through the Kyoto crisis. She thinks Negi is the cutest thing ever, but she might be falling in love with Skuld and/or Keiichi lately, instead. Even though Skuld treats her harshly and with little patience, Makie is very devoted and admiring of her and her cuteness. Makie is friendly and open, but also terribly dense and hates studying. Her thought patterns are often strange, to say the least, and she follows her own kind of twisted logics.

Makie is an expert gymnast, and her Pactio consists of a set of gymnastic tools she can use to deceivingly strong effect in a fight. However, her actual talent relies on firearms, much to everyone's surprise, and her skill at shooting greatly surpasses Yuuna's with a surprising depth of pragmatic ruthlessness to match. She was taught about guns by her 'mother' Homura Akemi, a loving but cold woman with a mysterious past who moved in with Makie's biological mother after the Sasakis' divorce. Makie still gets to see her father (and the little brother left in his custody) often, and they love each other very much, too.

 **Lala Satalin Deviluke:** The firstborn princess of the galactic empire of Deviluke. The Devilukes are a warrior race descended from the demons of Venus; while normally only a mage could provide the Magister Magi for an Alliance, enough of Lala's lineage was kept pure for her to retain enough demon blood as to make it work. Lala is a friendly and approachable young lady, but her upbringing has left her with a curious lack of concern or regret for all those her father's conquests have massacred across hundreds of planets. If asked, she'd just tell you those were sad but necessary losses in the search for a peaceful and unified galaxy and then ask you if you want to play. She's pure hearted enough, in her own way, to be the only person cosmic tyrant Frieza has any degree of genuine fondness for, as they were childhood playmates and would occasionally blow cities up together. In her mind, if you're her friend, she'll always protect you no matter what.

Lala loves Rito, Ayase Yue and, to a lesser but still very meaningful level, Haruna, and she thinks of them all as her spouses. She has no nudity taboo and will usually prefer walking around in the bare until she's told otherwise. She's a technological genius to rival Satomi and Skuld, and a powerful hand to hand combatant to boot. Has two younger sisters, twins to each other; the mischievous and seductive Momo and the fiery, self-assured Nana. They're currently on their way to visit her on Earth.

 **Yuuki Rito:** Lala's fiance and Pactio partner. He's been in love with Haruna for years, and much to his shock, she agreed to be his girlfriend after finding the love letter he'd written to her and would most likely never deliver personally or otherwise. Afterwards, he unwillingly became Lala's husband-to-be when he grabbed her tail. He's been looking after his little sister Mikan since their parents pretty much abandoned them in Mahora, although eventually the wiser and calmer Mikan pretty much ended up the surrogate mother to him and their troubled cousin Nao.

Rito's a bundle of hyperactive nerves and tends to overreact about everything. He's bad to mediocre at most things he tries, but he has a skilled hand for carny tricks, an undeniable competence in football, and an impressive mastery in gardening, which he also loves. Fittingly, his Pactio with Lala presented him with a magical watering can that can make any plant grow supernaturally, and he even can use them to attack others or defending himself. His clumsy habits to often trip and fall on girls and accidentally glomp them have made most students derogatorily call him 'the Perverted Beast', although he only has eyes for Haruna. He's mildly jealous of Haruna's affection towards Negi, and insecure of Haruna's intimately physical relationship with Lala.

 **Emiya Shirou:** The adopted son of Kiritsugu Emiya, the Magus Killer, occasional partner of Nagi Springfield after the dissolving of Ala Rubra. Originally born in the doomed city of Fuyuki, when it burned in the last day of the Fourth Holy Grail War, Shirou was rescued by Kiritsugu and raised in Mahora. Shirou grew up admiring his father and when he died, Shirou decided to become a Hero of Great Justice himself, no matter the cost. However, Shirou's magical capacities are mediocre at best and abysmal at worst; his only known talents lie with reinforcing and projection, and he could only become a Magister to Saber because of their previously existing link as Master and Servant.

He's a good sword fighter trained by his sensei Fujimura Taiga, however, and he's also an accomplished archer. Shirou's somewhat dense and bull-headed, slightly out of touch with his peers and endowed with a set of values more befitting the previous generation; regardless, his heart's always in the right place, he greatly values sll life besides his own over all things, he's loyal to a fault, and he'll go out of his way to help others no matter what. He's also a great cook and he's hung like a horse.

 **Saber (Artoria Pendragon):** Shirou's Servant and Pactio partner. The youngest daughter of Uter, King of the Britons, after her father's death she was raised as a boy, a humble, downtrodden squire in Sir Ector's castle. Found and taught by Merlin, the greatest mage of his era, Artoria became King of her homeland after drawing out Caliburn, the sword in the stone. Her kingdom, full of wonder and prosperity, came into decay, and then ended ignominiously under a rebellion headed by her son Mordred. Who was just as much of a man as she was. Summoned back into the world, first in the Fourth War by Kiritsugu and then in the Fifth by Shirou, Saber fights on to ask for a wish to save her country even at the cost of her own life.

Even while diminished through Shirou's shortcomings as a Master, Saber's power as a swordmaster is all but peerless, and she most likely could defeat the rest of those listed here, all banded together, all on her own. Shirou's lack of proficiency as a conventional magus means their Pactio hasn't given her a specific Artifact, but has blessed her with easier access to her Noble Phantasms and an increased set of stats. Saber is serious, reserved, a tactical genius and capable both as a leader and a follower. Her main character flaw is her willingness to endure everything by herself tends to alienate and distance those around her, often making her unrelatable to others. If Shirou's hung like a horse, she eats like one.

 **Tatsumiya Mana:** The unofficial leader and guide of the Mahora refugees in Mundus Magicus. The daughter of a half-Japanese, half-Puerto Rican explorer and adventurer, and a demon queen, Mana was abused during childhood by her one hundred and eight half-sisters (you thought you had it bad, Medusa? Cinderella?) and escaped her mother's home by walking out the door one day while her hundred and eight siblings were fighting over who got her dessert, earning a life for herself as a young mercenary and Ministra Magi to an expert magical assassin who took her under his care. Said magical assassin was not Emiya Kiritsugu, thanks for asking. After her Magister Magi's death, Mana was invited by Konoe Konoemon to finish her studies at Mahora Academy, where she would take her rightful place as the keeper for the Tatsumiya Shrine and a troubleshooter for the staff.

Mana is extremely strong, agile and capable, a frighteningly fast and accurate markswoman, and the foremost expert on the handling of all sorts of firearms, seconded only by Sasaki Makie. Her half-demon nature makes her mildly vulnerable to the same holy enchantments she can use to dispel demons, but also gives her enhanced supernatural senses and an enhanced state where her hair turns white and her full demonic side is unleashed, making her twice as deadly. Overall she's polite and considerate but cold and distant, keeping an oddly acerbic relationship with her trainee and protegee, Munakata Shiho. She also loves money and has developed an one sided rivalry of sorts with classmate Nagase Kaede.

 **Professor Jonathan Crane:** Born to a father who abandoned him under the care of a sadistic maternal grandmother in the southern rural area of Gotham City, Crane was brutally abused during his childhood, both by his grandmother and later by classmates and neighborhood children alike, who cruelly made fun of his lanky, scrawny figure, dubbing him a 'scarecrow'. Growing obsessed with the study of the psychology of fear, Crane earned a doctorate in Psychiatry, but was fired from his teaching position at Gotham University after his attempts to spread his radical doctrine of fear endangered his students.

Crane donned a straw-filled tattered costume, named himself 'The Scarecrow', and started a new career as a killer for hire using his self-created fear toxins, but was promptly stopped by the costumed vigilante only known as The Batman. Crane and Batman would clash repeatedly over the next few years, usually ending with Crane's capture and confinement in the Arkham Asylum for the Criminally Insane. Recently, however, Crane escaped Arkham with The Joker and traveled overseas to forge a new identity for himself as Alan Rance, psychology teacher at Mahora College. Whether this was a genuine attempt to move to a peaceful new life or a role as a spy and mole for the dark forces who orchestrated Joker's escape remains a mystery.

 **Hirano Kouta:** The only son of a military contractor, chubby, eager Hirano is a young otaku fascinated with all things related to guns and ammo, rivaled only by fellow geek Aida Kensuke in the whole of the Mahora Campus. He's even got limited experience training with the actual usage of firearms during a vacation to America, and seems to hold decent given abilities on the subject. Makie is still better than him though, but since he is currently unaware of that fact his self-esteem is reasonably intact.

There's not much to say about Hirano otherwise. He's easily excitable, easy to discourage and depress but even quicker on the draw when it comes to lifting his spirits up and keeping an optimistic face before complete disaster. In a way he's like an overgrown, overweight child in a teenager's body, and his immaturity often can and will get on people's nerves despite his good intentions. Has been voted 'Most Likely To Move To Gotham City and Become A Supervillain', which proves that cliches aren't everything.

 **Katsuragi Misato** : The only daughter (although she has an older brother, father of problem child and God of Conquests Katsuragi Keima) of a respected member of the Japanese Defense Forces, Misato was stationed with her father at an Antarctic SHIELD Base when goddess Belldandy fell to Earth, unwittingly triggering the world shattering event known as the Second Impact. Losing her father and drifting across the sea in an escape pod along with a young Phil Coulson and several cute penguins they eventually had to eat for food, the child underwent a complete psychological breakdown that made her nearly catatonic for several years. After recovering, she enrolled at Mahora for her higher education, but suffered another blow when her attempt to contact her father's soul through association with an amateur magical cabal made her a part of the grotesque Bible Black incident.

Her traumatic memories of the affair almost but not quite wiped away by the Headmaster, Misato went through college with Akagi Ritsuko, the future Sailor Pluto, and graduated to a job in a government security agency that tasked her with overseeing Mahora's scientific developments for the army. There she fell in love and started living with Shikinami Kyoko Zeppelin, now acting as a surrogate mother of sorts for begrudging the Asuka. She has a serious drinking problem spurred on by her childhood and youth traumas and that fact that, well, she's stationed in Mahora.

 **Soryu Kyoko Zeppelin:** One of the heads of the Mahora Research Wing, and a respected if eccentric scientific genius. Mother to Asuka, with whom she holds a curious love and hate relationship; Kyoko's moods are so random she'll often alternate back and forth from extremely loving and protective to neutral and distant to downright abusive and cruel, often with little rhyme or reason, especially when off her medication. Misato's presence in her life seems to have tempered her of late, however, and overall now she is fairly caring and supporting of Asuka.

Kyoko has strong shut-in tendencies and has been known to experience serious lapses of logic like believing dolls are alive. This is actually fairly common standard behavior for Mahora scientists, who tend to see Hakase Satomi as an enviable pinnacle of sanity and stability to imitate, and Chachamaru as the project they really wished they'd agreed to do.

 **Soryu Asuka Langley:** Daughter of Kyoko and an ever busy half-Japanese, half-American businessman working for Searrs Enterprises, who eventually had enough of Kyoto's shit and jumped ship. She's actually far more appreciative of her father and stepmother than of her mother, and regrets not being able to see them and her half-sister more often. Asuka is an abrasive young genius, quick-tempered and sarcastic, only holding a softer side for dear friend Hikari, who she is totally not gay for no matter what people think she got from her mother, of course not, and anyway Hikari-chan doesn't swing that way, SHUT UP! Although not on the same level as Hakase or Chao Lingshen, she's a skilled mechanical inventor and developer, with her sights on the field of gigantic mechanics.

Asuka likes older men of a rough, dangerous or mysterious disposition, and in this she and Kagurazaka Asuna might be kindred spirits if they ever got to really know each other. She is fairly adept at close combat thanks to her self-defense lessons from her all-but-stepmother one of their few points of closeness. While she will act irritated by perverts, she isn't shy of showing her figure off when she believes it will achieve her something she wants. She's one of the few girls in the school who dislike Negi Springfield, and just can't understand what others see in him.

 **Horaki Hikari:** Second in normalcy only to Hitou Nami of Class 3-F, Horaki is the class representative of Asuka's class and her best friend and confidante. She is an unremarkable, sweet but strict freckled girl well-versed in homemaking thanks to years of looking after a widowed father and three less responsible sisters.

Hikari likes a boy named Suzuhara Touji, whom Asuka despises, and the despise is mutual. She's also a minor Negi fangirl, prompting Asuka to often quip that Hikari has good tastes at everything but men. She totally does not have a thing with Asuka. They're just friends. Why do people keep wiggling their eyebrows when they say that?

 **Kitagi Saya:** Suzushiro Haruka's roommate, although there's no actual sense of friendship between them. They mostly act neutral towards each other and have never fought violently, although Saya secretly finds many of Haruka's ways highly irritating. Her parents, much like Haruka's, are members of the right-wing Japanese political elite, but unlike Haruka, Saya gets along very well with her parents and loves them dearly, a feeling that is mutual… again, unlike Haruka's case.

Saya has glasses, a buxom figure, and long pink hair made in thick twintails. While nowhere as book smart as Asuka, she's no intellectual slouch either, and short of Mana herself, she's probably the most pragmatic and street-smart member of this bunch. However, her bad temper will sometimes cloud her better judgment.

 **Yasutora 'Chad' Sado:** Hailing from a Mexican family that emigrated to Japan and intertwined with the locals, Chad used to be a troublemaker during his childhood, using his massive size and strength to bully and abuse other children. However, his dear late grandfather taught him a philosophy of non-violence he's stuck with through his teenage years. How his grandfather taught him this philosophy is unknown, since Chad tends to freeze in place and stare at the wall when asked about this, but it was remarkably effective, and surely had nothing to do with how the mysterious vigilante who captured criminals at night and marked them with a 'Z' disappeared the same month that Chad's grandfather died.

Chad is a man of few, short words and can often spend long periods unnoticed by those around him, despite of his hulking body. He's taken a loving, protective nature of small animals and children (no, not THAT way, you sickos), and he's part of an unofficial club of cat lovers with Karakuri Chachamaru, Tsukamoto Yakumo, and Sakaki from Yukari-sensei's class. He might also be in unspoken love with Chachamaru. But then, so are Yakumo and Sakaki. It's the way she handles cat. It's just so sexy.

 **Tokiha Mai:** A busty, orange haired, hard working student who has been traveling from school to school across Japan with sickly brother Takumi ever since their parents died. Before settling at Mahora, they studied at Ohtori Academy, where Mai got herself embroiled in the affairs of the local Student Council to gain control over Himemiya Anthy, the so-called 'Rose Bride', a mysterious girl with vague enigmatic powers. Mai can, through her duels with the Council and Anthy's suitors, channel a strange ability called the Power of Dios, briefly turning her into an almost unbeatable fencer, but this power seems to come and go at its own will and is not consistently reliable. Fortunately, the skills she learned from fellow school to school traveler, occasional classmate and pen pal Matoi Ryuko was much more reliable.

Mai herself is reliable and loyal, and has sworn to looking after, not only Takumi, but Anthy herself and Mikoto by now. She's an expert, sublime cook and holds a part time job at the Mahora branch of the Radish Café franchise. He is currently part of a sting operation to bust the franchise for underaged prostitution.

 **Tokiha Takumi:** Mai's long ill, weak kid brother. His body suffers from an unexplained weakening condition that grows worse with age, but he refuses to be a load and tries to be as independent as possible. In a lot of ways, his character is very similar to his sister's, but his body is far more limited than Mai's has ever been.

Takumi holds an unspoken physical attraction for Mai that greatly shames him, something Mai is completely unaware of. He stays determined to hold it a secret for as long as he lives, but it's almost a given Anthy's figured it out by now somehow, since as Mai's 'wife' she insists on doing the laundry, and all those sticky panties add up…

 **Minagi Mikoto:** Not to be confused with the local, slightly infamous 'Railgun' of similar birth name, Mikoto's an odd, feral child Mai, Anthy, Takumi and Anthy's Archer Servant met during their initial boat trip to Mahora. She claims to be looking for her long lost big brother, and while her family is being located, she sticks by Mai's side, having quickly developed a strong sense of affinity for her. Mikoto can be very possessive of Mai and will often dislike it when others try to approach her, only tolerating Takumi's proximity out of deference towards Mai. She and Anthy seem to hold a mutual but mostly unsaid sense of distrust and suspicion. She worships Archer as a demigod of food.

Mikoto is incredibly fast and brutally strong for someone so small, and she can swing a gigantic black sword she calls 'Miroku' with extreme ease, often using only one hand. She's an efficient, highly skilled swordswoman, but in everyday matters she shows a surprising lack of common sense and intelligence, even for someone as young as she. She also eats like a damn horse. Archer is fond of her because of this.

 **Boo Welker:** a mysterious figure shrouded in myth and legend, simultaneously feared and loved (in a totally platonic, non-Negi-sensei way) by his students at Mahora.

Respected by all, strict but fair and a really good listener, Boo-sensei still has his detractors who one and all perversely accuse him of cowardice and on many occasions attempt to assault and strip him in public. Despite this, he has continued to live with poise and dignity, paying no heed to the random people who accuse him of being a giant chicken.

 **Nermal:** the leader of Chad's kittens, this personification of evil is currently plotting out his first teen vampire abusive relationship novel as the start of his evil domination of the world.

 **Tomoe Mami:** The young niece to Professor Tomoe, head of the Mahora Science Research, University Division, and cousin to Tomoe Hotaru. Her parents were killed in the same car accident that claimed Izumi Ako's parents, and since Mami's parents were officially declared the party at fault in the accident, Ako's held a vague grudge against her ever since.

Mami is a polite, kind-hearted young woman who loves collecting tea sets and expensive replicas of old weaponry. A refined, popular sempai to most of the female student body, and desired by many boys, girls and small intelligent mammals, she still has problems making actual friends short of social outcast Sakura Kyoko and kouhai Miki Sayaka, thanks to an entirely random chance encounter. For some reason, perhaps related to her accident, she has an instinctive, acute fear of horrible physical damage befalling her head and neck area.

 **Asakura Kazumi:** One of 3-A's most feared students, the 'paparazzo of Mahora', able to unearth anyone's worst, most shameful secrets and reveal them, even though she's _mostly_ unwilling to resort to blackmail and claims to act in the interest of seeing truth divulged. She still draws the line when disclosure will cause more harm than good to undeserving parties.

A member of the Mahora Newspaper Club, she's an expert photographer and can sense spirits, even though she cannot see them yet. This is a quality inherited from her late grandparents, who once were serious candidates to the title of Shaman King and Queen. She learned of Negi-sensei's magical secret during the class trip to Kyoto, along most of the cast in this darn thing, and was afterward forcefully convinced by Chisame to keep quiet on the subject. Kazumi is currently conspiring with Chao Lingshen to reveal the existence of magic to the mundane world. Is allergic to honey.

 **Murakami Natsumi:** The daughter of an American amateur crime solver and a Japanese businessman, Natsumi actually belongs to one of the least wealthy (read: middleclass) families in Class 3-A, and so it doesn't help her self-esteem she has had to room with Yukihiro Ayaka and Naba Chizuru. In addition to that, Natsumi's extremely self-conscious about her freckles, small stature, modest build and unglamorous hair, making coexistence with two of the most attractive girls in the classroom even more difficult for her. She is also completely straight and harbors no attraction to the female form whatsoever in a class of physically affectionate people, her roommates included, completing her personal little depression spiral.

Natsumi is a master actress, and whenever she is on a stage most if not all of her insecurities vanish away. She's well known to lose herself in her roles at times. She holds a strong attraction towards Negi, one Chizuru tries her best to push for, but she remains convinced she has no chance with him at all whatsoever. She is also able to speak rudimentary Dog, including such vital phrases as 'Help', 'It's the ghost!', 'Look, a monster!', 'Shaggy is stuck down the well', 'I'll have a cheeseburger with fries', and 'Go get help, quick!'


	2. Sasaki Makie

Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha created and own _Mahou Sensei Negima!_

Shinbo Akiyuki and SHAFT Studios created and own _Puella Magi Madoka Magica_.

Thanks as usual to Darkenning for supplying the original story and to Shadow Crystal Mage for supplying edits and adding a few jokes.

* * *

 **Unequally Rational and Emotional Special**.

* * *

 **Unequal Conquests of a Decadent Stud Monkey**.

* * *

"Maki-chan," Kaname Madoka said, far more seriously than was her custom, as she sat down by Akemi Homura's side, both of them in the living room of the Kaname household, facing the family's eldest child, "we need to talk."

"Maybe we should, yeah," Makie agreed with a wary cute pout, hands on her knees.

Madoka sighed while Homura stirred visibly on the couch, her wife's fingernails nervously tapping on her slim thighs. "Maki-chan, don't ask us how we know, but it's been brought to our attention you've been spending a lot of time around Negi Springfield-sensei lately."

"Ummm, well, yeah, I'm his student after all?" Makie blinked.

"Maki-chan," Homura said. "Your Madoka-mama means you've been spending more time near him lately than most students would."

"Ummm, well, yeah, I need remedial classes after all!"

"We mean you've been spending time after classes with him and his friends!" Homura said.

Makie shrunk back. "Ahhh, well, yeah, about that... I'm in his English Research Society club thing? That's good, right? It's educational!"

"I'm glad you're showing an interest on foreign languages and cultures, dear," Madoka gently said, "but before this goes on, there's something you should know about, well, you and Negi-sensei..."

* * *

 _"Chao-san," Negi said, almost out of breath, "this is such a- Wait, why are you saying this is my fault? What did I do to bring anything of this forth?"_

 _"Well," Chao said, "for starters, you have allowed the matters concerning these ladies-" Here she gestured towards Homura and her companions. "- to slip away from you in a way I find frankly appalling, coming from one of us. The Negi Springfield I read about and then studied under would have focused his attention on them, taking no time to rest or screw around, until he had learned all he could about them."_

 _"I don't know what they told you," Negi argued. "But I was too busy handling Asuna's problem, and I tried to gather intelligence on Homura-san, but it was as if she didn't even exist and there was no info any of us could find beyond the basics! And, and I don't even know who these other ladies are supposed to be! By the way, sorry about my manners, my name is Negi Springfield," he added, hastily bowing for the others._

 _The blonde smiled benevolently and made a curtsy. "Pleased to meet you, Springfield-sensei. I am Tomoe Mami."_

 _"Hey there, my name's Sakura Kyok-" the redhaired one began to wave with an impish grin._

 _Homura shot her an icy stare. "There's no time for that right now. We have no time for anything but the most important details." Then she gallantly gestured towards the pink haired girl and told Negi, "This is Kaname Madoka, the most important person in the Universe."_

 _"And most important detail," Kyoko snorted._

 _Madoka blinked, then giggled, lightly slapping Homura on an arm. "Oh, Homura-chan! When will you learn? I'm no more important than anyone else in this universe, or any other!"_

 _"Of course you are," argued Homura. "Without you, this universe wouldn't even exist in the first place."_

 _"The same could be said about you, silly! And about him, since after all, the core universe you took as the basis was centered around his legend."_

 _Negi blinked. "Uh... excuse me?" He had the rather annoying feeling that this must be how the Baka Rangers felt all the time, and it wasn't very pleasant._

* * *

"Wait, when did that happen?" Makie asked, growing more confused by the minute. "I'm sure Negi-kun would have told me about that if any of that had ever happened to him!"

Homura was rubbing her own temples in circles now. "Maki-chan, for the last time. That wasn't the Negi Springfield you know. It was the Negi Springfield of a parallel universe."

"Ah! Oh, yeah, like Magus Erebus-kun!"

"Who's 'Magus Erebus-kun'?" Homura asked.

"You started your story first. Finish it, and then I'll tell you mine."

"..." Madoka said. "Okay, that's fair enough, I guess."

* * *

 _"So... you are our God?" Sailor Moon gulped._

 _"I suppose it shouldn't be said I actually created you, but rather I kickstarted the process of your universe's development from essential material already created by those who exist beyond all of us," Homura elaborated._

 _"Ah," Sailor Moon said. "That's better. I think."_

 _"Either way," Madoka said, "Homura-chan only, well, 'created' this universe as an experiment of sorts to see if there could be a world for me to live in as a normal girl. She only wished for my happiness, actually, so I hope you won't be too harsh on her. But now, even if you place Kagurazaka Hime-sama in hibernation... well..."_

 _"It seems," Chao cut in, finally getting closer, "even if we do that, we won't be saving the whole of 'our' existence. Homura-sama tried for a task that was simply too large even for her, and the universe that resulted is dangerously unstable. That's why nature itself across the planet is reacting so violently, when only Mundus Magicus should be affected. There might be a way to stabilize it for good, however."_

 _"Chao-san!" Chachamaru said, eyes opening as much as they would go._

 _Chao smiled and waved at her. "Hello there, dearie. Mom's sorry she won't be able to stay for long. But there are some hardasses in the future who really want to have a few words with me." This was said with a glance in Batman's general direction. "Damian-kun sends his best wishes, Daddy."_

 _Bruce Wayne flinched._

 _"If there's a future, then there's hope," Wonder Woman said. "Tell us, then, what do we have to do."_

 _"Okay, if you say so. But your participation isn't necessary, actually. Although we wouldn't reject it either." And here she chuckled roguishly. Then she straightened just as suddenly. "Okay. Let's be serious. First of all, we need to send Asuna into stasis as the project intended."_

 _Asuna exhaled. "I knew it. And then?"_

 _"Then," Chao said, as Negi, Madoka and Homura looked away in diverging directions, "we need to establish anchors. Living beings who can succeed where even Homura-sama and Kaname-sama here would fail. They can't be ultimate stabilizing factors for this universe because, being foreign to it, they lack the adequate resonance with this plane of reality."_

 _"And you know that, because?" Richards asked, ignoring how Hakase just stared at him and nearly drooled, hands firmly intertwined over her chest, too nervous to actually say anything. Chachamaru was just shaking her head to herself about that._

 _"They had more than a century to perform research on themselves and this dimensional plane, of course," Chao answered. "After these events, after all, they will do what is needed to preserve existence, which is why there is a future I came from to begin with."_

 _"Way, way, way too fast," Venus groaned. She turned to Mercury. "Are you getting any of this?"_

 _Ami had to be honest and shake her head._

 _"So they need to create new beings, who are like them, but in better synchronization with this universe's essence, to replace them in that labor as soon as possible," Strange elaborated, while Chao nodded, and so did Madoka and Homura, more reluctantly. "You mean—"_

 _"I mean," Chao said, "they need to have offspring with someone native to this universe, someone who is very powerful himself, someone who will be in permanent contact with the Blue Mars Project and the upper echelons of the magical community for the next few decades of those children's growth. And that conception has to happen here, at ground zero, while the current key pulse of magical energies between the worlds still lasts. That should send a reviving counter-pulse through the World Tree, which should work as a tuning device to spread that stabilization effect through Mundus Magicus, Vetus, and the rest of existence."_

 _"In other words," Evangeline said, growing annoyed while everyone else's eyes went tiny and black, "you mean Boya has to get these two knocked up under the Tree, right now?"_

 _Chao nodded again._

* * *

"Okay," Makie said, her eyes very tiny now, "I barely understand any of this, but I do understand I don't like it, and I understand I will like what is sure to follow even less. Isn't all this too 'adult' for me? I'm pretty sure it's your job to _not_ tell me these things!"

Homura patted their daughter on the top of the head. "Believe me, if it were up to me… "

"Pretty much, yes," her biological mother nodded. "Anyway, then Averruncus-san said..."

* * *

 _He pulled back from Madoka's chest and sighed in dismay. "Okay, Madoka-san, this is probably going to hurt a little," he said as he lifted one of her legs up._

 _"It's okay, Negi-kun," she assured him, though clearly taken out of her earlier bliss by his statements. "I know that you don't want to hurt me, and so I can endure it, because it's for a good reason, and so I won't cry - much - but I hope that you'll do it soon because the anticipation is worse than—_

 _"I already did it," said Negi, who had in fact penetrated her some time earlier._

 _Madoka went cross-eyed. "Hweh?"_

 _He began moving back and forth within her. "Did you ever do gymnastics?" he asked._

 _"Nn-nn, nn-nn," she replied, shaking her head back and forth as the sensations swam up her spine while the leg that Negi wasn't holding to one side twitched, as though instinctively trying to lift up to wrap itself around him and pull him deeper into her._

 _WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH, went several aspects of Homura's somewhat disturbed psyche as she watched this._

 _After a surprisingly brief interval - considering that the traditional understanding of matters is that the time between male climactic events must necessarily increase as the events occur - Negi found himself growing tense once more, and released his baby batter up into Madoka's womb on the downstroke of his pounding rhythm._

 _"Ahh!" she cried out. "So warmmmm!"_

* * *

"And that's how you were conceived!" Madoka chirped happily. "Don't you think that's wonderful? For there's no child who's ever been conceived by greater love, that of love for all of existence..."

"Madoka, you didn't have to tell her all the ugly details!" the redfaced Homura protested, pointing at the frozen, wide-eyed Makie. "Look at what you just did to our poor baby!"

"She'll be okay, Homura-chan! Remember, what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger! And then it was Homura-chan's turn, not that she wanted to do it at first..."

"Of, of course I didn't! I'm gay, remember!"

* * *

 _Aloud, he spoke up, trying in vain to look over his shoulder at Homura. "Okay, then, I guess it's your turn, Homura-sa—"_

 _ **"Meine Meinung geändert,"**_ _something said from just outside his field of view. Something shifted there, as well, and there was a strange sound which made him think of nuts being cracked for some reason, and the accompanying sound of something dropping to the grass in a steady flow._

 _"Wha—" he asked, starting to turn to face whatever was behind him._

 _Madoka held him in place. "Don't!" she said quickly. "This is my task." After a moment, she spoke a bit louder. "Homura-chan... stop doing that. It's not going to work this time."_

 _ **"Vielleicht wird es,"**_ _the creature which Negi couldn't see said._

 _"No, maybe it won't," Madoka replied. "I am not going to start hating you, no matter what you do. I will be unhappy if you wreck this like you're doing, and I don't think you want that. Stop playing these silly games, and come here so that we can finish the plan like we agreed. I don't think Negi-kun will mind all that much if you look like this - he's not that particular, I think - but you'll probably be happier if you look like your regular self. Okay? Come here, Homura-chan."_

 _Behind him, something shifted. From its great bulk, things continued to fall - things which, as they began to fall into his line of view, he now recognized as teeth. But by the time that the creature fully hove into view, there was nothing to see but the petite, dark-haired girl he'd met in Satomi's laboratory, naked and, he now saw, pouting._

 _"It would have been so much easier this way," she muttered as she knelt down next to Madoka's supine form._

 _"Yes, but if we did things the easy way, we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place," Madoka replied, reaching out to gently caress the side of Homura's face._

 _"It's not right," Homura complained. "Why—"_

 _"Because I love everybody, and you are part of the everybody I love, so I love you. Even the parts that you don't want me to love," Madoka said, pulling Homura down towards her so that their faces met, and she could kiss her deeply._

 _"... she really is like me," Negi murmured, shaking his head, as he pulled back from Madoka, and, after a deep breath, began to work on Homura._

* * *

"And that's all you need to know on how he and I did it!" Homura raised her voice for Makie's benefit, interrupting the rest of Madoka's cheerful narration.

Madoka pouted.

"Homura-mama!" Madoka stood up, pointing in shock at the black haired woman. "You... You're... GERMAN!"

"— no, I'm not," Homura replied. "In any case, now you can see why you can't attach yourself romantically to Negi Springfield! So, if during the School Festival his friends try to drag you into a virtual world where small sea creatures melt and eat your clothes, just tell them no! And then, if your Sports friends try to drag you with them to Wales to stalk Negi-sensei, just tell them no, twofold!"

"Then... then Negi-kun is my dad...?" Makie sobbed.

"Oh, no, not him," Madoka reassured her. "Your real father is someone who simply happens to be someone who is the alternate universe, nearly identical, slightly older version of your Negi-kun!"

"So... my dad is Magus Erebus-kun?!" Makie gasped.

"We don't even know who this Magus Erebus is supposed to be!" Homura pointed out.

"So, then... my dad is like Negi-kun's big brother?! I'm Negi-kun's niece?!"

"I guess that's a way to put it..." Madoka allowed.

"Uwaaaaaa!" Makie boggled. "I don't get it! This is too complicated for me!"

Madoka sighed, reached behind the couch, and began pulling something out. "Maybe visuals will help..."

* * *

"Wow," Makie said a few moments later, as she stared at the family tree-slash-flowchart that Madoka had drawn on the portable blackboard. "That's really, really, really messed up."

Madoka looked at it, looked at Makie again, and just nodded. Homura facepalmed.

"So... you're telling me that my papa isn't really my papa, and that this other world person, who is Negi-kun's doppel-whatever, is my real papa?" she asked. "... wait, and if the whole point of it was to keep that world's World Tree stable, what am I doing here?"

Homura snatched the chalk from Madoka's hand and stabbed at the small branch right next to the one where Makie's name was. "Pay attention, Maki-chan! Madoka just told you, the other world's Maki-chan is your twin sister! When she happened to bear twins, she couldn't endure renouncing both, so we took you to raise as our own daughter!"

"So I have a twin sister!" Makie gushed. "When can I meet her?"

"Sadly, never," Homura said. "It's for everybody's sake."

"What does liquor have to do with this?" Makie whined. "And why can't I ever meet my Imouto again?!"

"Actually, you're the Imouto, she was born five minutes before you, Maki-chan," Madoka told her.

"Cool, I'm the pretty younger one... No, wait, that doesn't explain why I can't meet her!"

"It can't be helped, we can't risk entering that universe again without throwing it off balance and probably destroying it, after all the efforts it took to stabilize it," Homura stoically said.

"But, but, but—!"

"We could risk doing it," Madoka said, "but then be warned you'd have to share your room and your allowance with her."

"... Actually, I think I'm fine as I am," Makie said. "And, what about Kagehisa-kun?"

"Oh, he's the actual son of the man you thought to be your father," Madoka told her. "I wouldn't be as bad as to cuckold a poor, good man twice!"

"I wouldn't say what you did was cuckolding, but whatever," Homura threw her hands up.

"Mmmmm," Makie hummed. "Madoka-mama?"

"Yes, dear?"

"You love me more than you love that girl, right? And it was that way from the start, right? Otherwise, why renounce her and not me?" she sniffled.

"Actually, Maki-chan, we flipped a coin," Madoka reached over to lovingly play with her pink hair.

"... oh." She took a moment to take it all in, then shook her head. "This doesn't change anything. I still want in," she said.

"'In' what?" Homura suspiciously asked.

Makie smiled sheepishly, then pulled her Pactio card out and held it up.

One moment later, the house's rooftop had a hole blown through it.

"Ah!" Makie said. "So that's what Papa couldn't see! Don't worry, Mama, I didn't get this one from kissing Negi-kun! Only from kissing my cute classmate who happens to be a goddess!"

"Homura-chan," Madoka scolded, "control yourself before the neighbors call the police!"

" _ **Ich habe dir gesagt, wir sollten nach Osaka sind umgezogen!"**_

* * *

 **The End?**


	3. Medea of Colchis

Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha created and own _Mahou Sensei Negima!_

Nasu Kinoko and Type-Moon created and own _Fate/Stay Night_ and _Fate Grand Order_.

We are gaining no monetary profit from the creation of this work of fiction.

Any similarities between any possible real life King Arthur and the one depicted in this story should be blamed on Type-Moon, not us.

* * *

 **Unequally Rational and Emotional Special**.

* * *

 **The Witch's Secret Garden**.

* * *

 **Story by OverMaster.**

 **Proofreading, Spellchecking and Additional Lewd Jokes by Shadow Crystal Mage.**

* * *

"The King of the Dolls?" Negi repeated what he had just heard, blinking in confusion.

Caster nodded patiently. "Yes, that's exactly what I've just said. If we are to be allies, you must give me a proof of your sincerity first. As the leader of the Ala Alba faction and the representative from the strongest of all Classes, you are the ones I have chosen to represent your associates for this endeavor."

Saber scowled. "Woman, shouldn't we be the ones demanding for proof of your good will?"

Caster smiled, a thin red curve on the creamy paleness under the shadows of the purple hood. "Even Kings are mindful of the requests of witches, my dear knight. Surely, a strong, sexy knight like yourself has more endurance to undergo a test of might than a humble spell weaver?"

"You are humble only whenever it suits you, Caster," Saber lectured, "but let not be said I back away from your challenge. Speak your mind. And don't call me sexy or I will complain to your Master about sexual harassment."

The other Servant easily held up an elaborate fifty centimeters tall diorama built inside of a bottle, suspiciously similar to Evangeline's resort. Negi's eyes widened.

"This," Caster explained, "is a variant of a Reality Marble I have developed through my research. It's my Territory Creation skill taken to its logical extreme, thanks to my peerless genius and restless effort. Ah!" she sighed, hugging the diorama and rubbing her cheek against it, hearts floating around her head. "My Secret Garden, how many others can say they have perfected anything this incredible?!"

"It's only a model," Saber judged. "I have seen better fabrications in the preparations for the School Festival, Caster."

"No, no, please don't say that, Saber-san," Negi told her. "I've seen things like this before, and even been inside of them several times. My Master created a subdimension inside of a bottle, complete with its own separate passage of time that doubles as her summer villa. She made it herself. Well, she bought the mass produced parts off mail order, but she put it all together by herself."

Saber grimaced. "The dark arts are certainly hedonistic. Why not to employ such skills for the benefit of the masses instead?"

"Ah," Caster told Negi, "but can your Master create life within those limits as well?" she asked, beckoning them closer to the bottle. "Behold and tell me if that witch can match this amazing feat, boy!"

Saber and Negi leaned closer, and gasped when they saw tiny people and carriages transiting across the avenues of the bottled city, which was fashioned after Ancient Greece, much like its inhabitants and their clothing style. Even the signs on the street posts and buildings were written in diminutive Greek characters, barely visible if you squinted really hard and, in Negi's case, adjusted your glasses just enough.

"Caster!" a scandalized Saber gasped. "You play at being a god! What a blasphemy!"

"Fu fu fu," Caster chuckled, "is this any worse than what the child's associates have achieved, creating an automaton infused with artificial life? I don't believe so. My handwork is perfect and exquisite, a testament to my abilities…! Plus, I have Greek God blood, so I have very right to do this. And unlike Zeus, I don't go randomly having sex with every hot blonde I've had a hand in making."

Negi kept on blinking in surprise, for even Evangeline's resort maids acted far less lifelike than the citizens of Caster's invention. "Then, what do you need us for, Caster-san…?"

"Something has gone wrong with it, and I wish you to come with me so we can repair it," she told him.

"Then it couldn't have been a 'perfect' creation at all!" Saber argued.

Caster frowned. "How rude! What kind of ruler were you supposed to be? When you reign over beings with their own emotions and ideas, they are bound to get out of the line sooner or later, you of all people should understand that. And now, I face insubordination! The ungrateful doll I appointed as my representative to lead the city has rebelled against me, and I need to dethrone it before I have to undo the whole realm!"

"So," Negi summed up, "you are asking us to become your personal strike force against beings who want their independence?"

"Why, Professor!" a wounded sounding Caster said. "My intentions for my children are nothing but the best, fair and benevolent! The corrupted administrator would only lead them to ruin instead! Do you still distrust my word?"

"Yes," Saber said bluntly.

Negi gasped, pulling back and blushing. "O-Of course I trust you, it's just, maybe you should try looking at the subject from their perspective…?"

Caster tightened a fist and looked venomously at the diorama. "No, that treacherous little doll has nothing but evil in its heart, with its treacherous face, treacherous hari, and treacherous heart! If you truly call yourselves Heroes of Justice, you will help me undo this; otherwise, take your leave, and Wataru-sama and I will fight on our own…"

Saber waved a hand magnanimously. "Spare us your manipulation attempts, Caster, for they are not needed. I will enter this realm of yours, learn the truth, and punish whoever needs to be punished. So if your heart has nothing to fear, then you have no reason to doubt my blade!"

Negi blinked, sheepishly looking back and forth between them and the clenched smile they shared. He was getting to know what it felt like, to feel trapped between living legends who spoke in grander than life manners, and he was finding out it made him feel so very small and out of place, like being stuck between a Star Wars fan and a Star Trek fan. Was this how Chisame felt whenever magic pulled her out of her own comfort zone?

"Um, I'll go too, of course," he ended up saying anyway. "I can't ignore the plea of a lady in need after all…"

"What a brave and gallant youngster!" Caster approved, briefly taking a moment to pinch and pull on his cheek, making him wince. Despite her small stature and low physical stats for a Servant, she still was freakishly strong by human standards. "I'm sure you'll make for an excellent husband to Yuuna-chan!"

"Um, thank you," Negi said, rubbing his reddened cheek and choosing not to debate on the whole issue of Yuuna's future marital status just yet. "But, I'd like to ask something first. Why don't you simply take the offending doll out of the display?"

"It's not as easy as that," Caster shook a finger. "For starters, if I were to make a mistake—"

"I thought your handwork was always flawless and wonderful?" Saber challenged.

"—highly unlikely as that is, then there'd be no way of saying the damage my actions could imply," a faintly blushing Caster continued. "Humanity often complains why God won't directly help them, but were the divine hand to meddle into mortal affairs, man would soon feel lost, manipulated by forces beyond his control, and too many other unpredictable factors could also set off a deadly domino effect leading to ultimate disaster. That also applies to my doll people. By taking the leader out from the outside, I would send the whole world into chaos and unraveling. Better to send agents of mine to carry on my will, including myself in a form they can feel comfortable with, of co—WILL YOU STOP DOING THAT ALREADY?!" she shouted at Saber, who was repeatedly poking and rubbing a finger on the bottle's surface.

"They indeed react to the sight of me…" Saber mused, looking at the tiny villagers stare up at her, pointing, screaming, bowing, sacrificing little lambs and running around waving signs proclaiming that the end was nigh. "Caster, are you sure acting yourself would change much, compared to this…?"

Caster hissed, roughly setting the bottle down on Wataru's table, with Negi scrambling to hold it steady as gently as he could. "Your intervention certainly hasn't helped things so far, Saber! I hope you are of better help when you are reduced and placed inside!"

"I warn you my magic resistance will make that difficult, even for you," Saber told her.

Caster smiled grimly, pulling her sleeves up. "We have a long time. I'm sure I eventually can find your limits, O knight of the sword."

Saber raised an eyebrow coolly.

* * *

Negi wasn't too sure of what had happened afterwards, and that probably was for the best. Things were sort of a blurry haze from when Caster and Saber faced each other to when the three of them stood at the entrance of the bottled city, which definitely looked gigantic, nearly infinite, easily as big as Mahora itself at the very least, from the inside. He gasped in awe, impressed at all the ancient wonders set before them, and at how pure and fresh the air smelled, in a way he hadn't experienced since leaving the Welsh countryside.

"Wow, Caster-san, it's bigger on the inside! This is incredible! Even better than Master's resort…! Um, please don't ever tell her I said that, okay?" he quickly added, taking a finger to his mouth.

Caster lifted enough of her hood as to show him she was winking an eye at him. "I can keep secrets to my tomb, Professor. Welcome, then, to my Imaginary Social Plan World!" she grandly proclaimed, spreading her arms open. "Here, I have built a wide variety of different attractions, all of which will lead men of good looks and impure hearts to their perdition!"

"I knew it," Saber muttered, her ahoge slightly drooping, her eyes half closed, "this is nothing but further resentment from an old woman who can't let the past go… ACHOO!"

Thankfully oblivious to this mumbled statement, Caster happily pranced around before them, almost skipping playfully. "As for you, you have nothing to fear, well, almost! You can visit all the attractions for free as my guests, and I'll even let you skip the lines for the rides! Where do you wish to go first?"

Saber and Negi sweatdropped. "Hadn't you asked us to help you with an important matter…?" the King of Knights asked.

Caster waved a hand around. "Wataru-sama is a wonderful husband, but he's also always out working. I can't do anything but staying inside, in fear of the big brutish Servants who would jump on me as soon as I stepped out of my home's protection. There's nothing to do but cooking, cleaning, watching the soaps, surfing the internet, playing games, writing fanfic, reading lemons, pleasuring myself and building models. I can't say it's a bad life, it's what I've always wanted, but every once in a while, I'd like to go outdoors with friends, too!"

"We aren't your friends," Saber sternly reminded her. "Is your life truly this pitiful, you would need to resort to—"

"Saber-san, no," Negi, who was well used to dealing with hikikomori and old frustrated witches alike, told her, gently pulling on her sleeve. "Caster-san has been very helpful bringing us to her most private of places, why don't we repay her kindness? Maybe we could, ah, have some fun…"

Saber looked at him. "Fun?"

Negi shrugged. "It's something Haruna-san, Konoka-san and Asuna-san are always telling me I should have while outdoors. I think it has something to do with an outing the cheerleaders and I had a few months ago…"

Saber blinked. "Sounds like a strange concept. I'd like to experience it at least once before erasing myself from history."

* * *

 _Cue picture of Saber, Caster and Negi in rented swimsuits sliding down a water ramp in a Greek themed water park, 'Poseidon's Perils'._

 _Cue picture of Saber, Caster and Negi in a Pegasus-themed merry-go-round, Saber valiantly leading an acted attack while riding on a Princess Celestia, Caster haughtily tossing her hair back while riding a Princess Luna, Negi sheepishly riding on a Fluttershy._

 _Cue picture of Saber, Caster and Negi taking pictures on a dock with a group of Gorgon Sister cosplayers._

 _Cue pictures of Saber, Caster and Negi taking turns at a game of 'Whack-a-Titan', where you get to mallet Titans as they peek their heads out of Tartarus, taking care of not hitting the heroes when they peek out instead. It ends up with a bigger picture of Saber smugly smiling, standing on top of a mountain of toy prizes, while Caster and Negi stand back clapping_

 _Cue picture of Saber, Caster and Negi running away from a lecherously smiling Zeus cosplayer. Or probably the real Zeus himself. You never take your chances when a Zeus starts running after you and you're a beautiful woman or a shota, even if you are a Heroic Spirit…_

* * *

"Ah, ha ha ha ha!" Negi laughed as he and Saber sat on a bench by the sea, or at least the really huge salt lake that passed for it within the bottle. "I had forgotten fun could be this much… much…"

"Fun?" Saber guessed with a smile.

"Yes! Fun!" Negi said, and they laughed together. "Ah ha ha ha ha!" Then he looked aside. "Caster-san, you've been having fun too, haven't you?"

"Uh-huh, I have, Professor," the witch said, standing with her back to then and brooding, trembling every so often. _And that's exactly the problem, I've been carelessly setting 'flags' while forgetting I'm Wataru-sama's dutiful wife! Ohhh, but it all felt so good! Ohhhh, but it's not a problem if it's just Saber, is it? I mean, other than the fact she's my sworn enemy! Ohhh, but how much would Wataru-sama and I enjoy pulling her into our own garden of carnal pleasures…!_

A very raunchy mental image of Caster herself in bed with Akashi-sensei and Saber at once appeared over the Servant's head, making her chuckle and drool slightly while the actual Saber turned her eyes on her, losing her smile.

"Whatever your lascivious thoughts are about, Caster, the child better be left out of them…" she warned. "I know what you Greeks are like! And you're part-god too, which makes you triply suspect!"

Then they were interrupted by a man's yell of "Hark! The three of you! You're under arrest in the name of Princess Me—"

"DON'T SAY THAT NAME!" Caster was suddenly flying his way, kneeing the man in the face and sending him to the ground. Negi blinked, seeing not only the man was armed with a spear and shield, but he'd only been one of many standing before them, a whole battalion of muscular men in ancient Greek battle regalia over red t-shirts and white, oddly hockey-like masks just arrived to detain them. "So!" Caster huffed, tugging the hood back on. "You finally arrive, late to dates as ever… Jasons!"

"Jasons?" Saber asked, pulling her Pactio card with Shirou out.

"Jasons?" Negi repeated, voice flatter and more Chisame-like. "Seriously?"

Caster nodded, also resorting to her Pactio card with Akashi-sensei. "Indeed. Most of them are regular Level 10 soldiers, Jason Hunters. They represent Man as a Jock and Bully, and they're set to attack normies on sight, without question."

"And those?" Negi asked, aiming his staff at several growling men slamming their lances and swords down, occasionally throwing their heads back and howling with fury.

"Those are Jason Killers, who stand for the worst of jealousy in men. They will attack any beautiful woman they see walking along another man, whether they're a couple or just friends," Caster answered.

"And these…?" Saber huffed while casually elbowing two slinking Jasons who had snuck behind her, ready to feel her up all over.

"Ah!" Caster gasped. "They're Jason Aces, challenging any woman under twenty! You deceivingly youthful looks must have fooled their simple male brains, as they only care about appearances!"

"I am Nice Jason, Man as a Nice Guy who is so totally not acting his part until he can marry you, then chain you to the kitchen while heading out to cheat on you," a docile smaller Jason marched ahead of his group, lowering his head to the girls. "Um, because I'm not the kind of guy who would do that. What do you say, Princess, if we go out and just, I don't know, drink a coffee and talk about our feelings, or—"

One of the Jason Hunters grunted with contempt, then speared him from behind, greatly startling Negi before tossing him into the sea.

Caster sighed, pointing at a few crazed Jasons wearing only their masks and proudly twirling their hips around. "And finally, those are the hyperconscious Naked Jasons, Man as Victim of his Id, the frat boy who can't help lusting after and destroying everything he touches. They're the King of the Dolls' army, and so we must exterminate them."

"What about those?" Saber asked, pointing towards the back where a few Jasons in blacks shirts were writing in scrolls and showing each other what the others had written, while the other Jasons looked sideways at them and kept their distance.

"I have no idea what you could possibly be talking about," Caster said.

"Don't give me that you damned witch! They're right there? What sort of bizarre, twisted creature is that you ignore its existence?"

"Fine!" Caster said in exasperation. "If you must know, those are Jason Ficcers, Man as a Disgusting Fanfic Writer and Lolicon! I was drunk, okay? Don't judge me! I'm not proud of it! They're not actually alive, so show them no mercy!"

Another Nice Jason walked out of the troop. "Actually, how do you define 'life', O Princess? Here I am, talking and reasoning with you, am I not alive in my own way? Even if you were to say this is a stratagem to get you to lower your guard, doesn't that prove I'm able of logical thought, based on a relationship of cause and effect? Have not I eyes? Have not I hands, senses dimensions passions? Warned and cooled—"

"You'll never catch me unaware, puppet!" Caster shouted while activating her drawing out her magical staff. "Die…!"

She charged forward, slamming her huge staff onto the Jason's head. "Oh, yes!" she moaned almost orgasmically as she swung again and again and the doll crumbled. "This is as good as a man can make me feel…!"

Saber and Negi traded really weirded out looks before simply joining the attack on the horde of shouting, quickly advancing Jasons.

* * *

 _"SAGITTA MAGICA!_ "

 _"HAVE AT THEE!"_

 _"RAIN OF LIIIIIGHT!"_

The yells kept on advancing through the city as the inhabitants locked themselves in their homes, and the trio plowed through the Jasons' army, constantly breaking through them and opening a path for themselves, one made from broken artificial bodies spread across almost half of the urban center by now.

And finally, after nearly half an hour of fiercely running and fighting their way through the Jasons' defenses, they reached the majestic royal palace, a sight even more impressive than any other Negi had ever beheld while there. He paused, starstruck at the castle's magnificence, his mouth slightly hanging open. "Wow…" he weakly said. "What kind of king can live here, I wonder…"

The Jasons had been all massacred, left twitching and shattered on the sidewalks and avenues. Caster picked the head of one of them, giving it a critical look. "How strange. These Jasons aren't like the ones I designed. They're… different, almost as if…"

The mask dropped off the head, revealing an impressively handsome face overflowing with golden blond locks, and it spoke, perfectly clear and loud, and for some reason in a British accent. "We were reborn through our Princess' superior craftmanship, to terminate all those who would oppose her! The old creator made us nothing but dolls, but the Princess made us men!"

"H-How scandalous!" Caster gasped. "Just like a Jason, to spit such vile lies! How can the King of the Dolls be my superior in any way or shape?! Let them come out to face me, so we can see who's the best of us!"

"What's going on here?!" a much higher pitched and younger voice said, as the palace's doors flew open from the inside, and out strutted a much younger Caster, without her hood on and wearing a skimpier outfit that fully showed off her slender legs. She couldn't even be that much older than Negi. "What is going on, what strife have you brought to my doorstep?! Ah, it's you!" she said, recoiling in panic, recognizing the coldly hissing Caster who was throwing the Jason's head aside, Negi diving in to catch it before it could shatter against the sidewalk. "The old hag?!"

"What are you saying, you little witless thing?!" Caster almost literally spat fire at her.

Saber frowned, then looked at one of the Jasons at her feet. "Is that the King of the Dolls?" she asked.

Nod nod, went the Jason.

 _"King?!"_ Saber then shouted, pointing at the terrified little Caster.

"Oh, like you don't call yourself a King as well!" the older Caster growled back at her.

"That's different, I carry myself on with the manly dignity of a King! But that girly pose, that dainty fist against the finely shaped mouth, that shaking of small knees against each other! That's the attitude of a Princess!" Saber accused. "No matter how you put it, that's no King, that's a little lovely Princess! She should be up a tower waiting to be rescued or something! Just looking at her makes me want to go on a heroic quest worthy of getting her a Disney movie of her own!"

The little Caster sobbed. "Sh-Shut up! Your friend the old hag placed me here so she could vicariously live her unfulfilled dreams of being a beloved princess through me! But I'd rather be a leader of men, a master of soldiers rather than the pampered head of a harem! I wanted to be a King, a King!"

"Then you should dress for the part!" Saber told her angrily.

"I like my clothes, aren't they the best clothes for a King?!" Little Caster protested, holding the frilly edges of her short skirt up, showing even more leg off. Negi blushed and looked aside, forcing the head of the Jason he was holding to do likewise despite its protests. "Besides, a King is an absolute existence! What a king declares to be fitting clothes for a King are fitting clothes for a King! And a King's true measure is not in how one dresses anyway, but in how one reacts in the face of death! Like this! Rule Breaker!" she summoned her twisted black dagger out, one that was completely identical to one her counterpart could summon. "Die now, you hag!"

"Rain of Light!" Caster yelled, charging at her, and they met in a fierce clash, that resulted in…

The smaller Caster quickly falling at the other one's feet, completely limp, motionless and smoking slightly from enough magical blasts from all directions to give kids seizures if they ever saw it on TV.

"And so, this mad King's reign of terror ends," Akashi-sensei's Caster sagely intoned, sheathing the dagger back in. "I thank you wholeheartedly, Professor, Saber. Thanks to you, Justice prevailed even in this dark day…"

"Actually, I have the feeling we were the villains today," Saber said, growing a sweat drop. "Is every kingdom I touch doomed to falter and die? Maybe I should start dressing all black like the angel of death while hiding my face behind a mask…? I'm in despair! My tendency to destroy kingdoms I meant to save has left me in despair!"

Negi sighed. "There is a very fine line between the hero and the villain, Saber-san. Trust me, I speak from experience. I still have a record in Scotland Yard… and MI6… and MI7… and U.N.I.T.… and Interpol… and S.H.I.E.L.D.…"

"With the false-King out of the way, and a new Princess looking after them, the people of my domains will rebuild, and know the grace of a proper ruler once again," Caster insisted. "Jasons will be confined back to the walls of a harem, instead of roaming free to keep on defiling women. How can you not call that a triumph of Good? Even a Neutral Evil like myself can see that!"

Negi frowned, now examining the fallen Caster Lily. "Despite being like you, she hasn't vanished. I thought that was what was supposed to happen to Servants after being defeated?"

"Professor, she was not like me, she was only a copy that couldn't defeat the original," Caster said. "Think nothing of it. What good can be obtained from her remains anyway?"

* * *

"Welcome back, Princess," mockingly said a small face framed in blonde hair, hovering right above hers.

Caster Lily blinked, feeling her senses returning. She found herself lying naked on a strange bed. "Wh-Where am I? My country, what happened to it? The old hag, she said…"

"I am," the blonde said, holding her down on her bed with only a gesture, "Evangeline A.K. Mc Dowell, Mistress of Puppets, Emissary of Darkness, Vampire Witch. You have lost your country, and now a servant's proper existence awaits for you. You tried to overstep your boundaries, doll, but rest assured I won't be as charitable as your creator was. Betray me, and I will destroy you for real, forever. Or worse, rent you out to star in a SAW movie!"

Caster Lily stared at this woman in horror at the threat, even smaller and more childlike than her, in a confused mixture of conflicted emotions, but ended up just nodding, accepting her defeat. She hadn't been worthy of her kingdom after all, and by losing it she thought she had lost every right to freedom. "Why haven't you killed me outright?" she quietly asked that who would now be her new Master.

"A certain stupid boya and a foolish knight in shining armor took pity on you and appealed to my better nature to give you a new lease on life," Evangeline smirked, "but make no mistake, I have no better nature. I'm pure evil, and I will you treat as the slave you were made to be, not the King you fancied yourself to—"

"It's not so bad once you get used to it," a soft voice said from right out of the bedroom's door.

"GO GET STUFFED, CHACHAMARU!" Evangeline viciously stuffed at the door before blushing and coughing into a fist. "Anyway. I'll give you a single token right, right off the bat, Slave. The right to have your own name. What would you like being called?"

"Med—" she began, before changing her mind just as quickly. "Actually, you just call me Lily," she softly requested.

Evangeline nodded. "'Lily' it is. And what an appropriate name it will be." She held up a blonde wig that bore more than a passing resemblance to her own hair. "Put this on and spread your legs…"

* * *

 **THE END**.


	4. Golden Darkness

Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha created and own _Mahou Sensei Negima!_

Yabuki Kentaro, Hasemi Saki and Shueisha created and own _To Love Ru_.

* * *

 **Bittersweet**. 

* * *

He had been sitting there for quite a while now.

Sitting in the silent darkness, he remained still and contemplative on his small chair.

Negi Springfield had always been the thoughtful and quiet type, especially for one as young as he was. If he was told to sit still for a long while, he would do so with no major hassles, unless there was something very important for him to do. Granted, with Negi, he almost always felt there were important issues he had to tend to, but generally speaking, if an authority figure commanded him to sit quiet, he'd also trust said person or group of persons to handle those affairs for him.

His current situation was more complicated than that. Technically, he could freely walk all around his small cell, as long as he made no (futile, since all cells in the facility were magic-proofed) attempts to escape. Even so, he saw no point on it, and he didn't feel well enough as to move.

He had failed everyone. His sister, his father's memory, his friends, his students, his superiors, his superiors' families and loved ones. He had even failed Chao-san, in a way, since he was certain now she would be stopped far more harshly than he would have done it. Then again, perhaps such strictness had been necessary, and this whole ugly affair was the result of his refusal to dispense discipline in a blunter way. That was what a tiny side of him that now sounded oddly like Evangeline at the back of his mind was telling him, to the point of nagging, and it only added to his overwhelming discomfort and sense of guilt.

How long he had been sitting there since Takamichi left, alone in the dark, getting up only to go to the small bathroom included in the cell? More than one day now, he was sure of that.

He had noticed they had slipped him a tray with food under the door around twenty hours ago, but he hadn't touched it yet. He just wasn't feeling hungry at all. Still, by now his stomach ached and growled regardless, so he supposed he should take the food anyway. Perhaps he had offended them by ignoring it, and so they hadn't passed him any more. Always concerned about offending others or not, the red haired Welsh boy said a honest, belated "I'm sorry," walked to the tray, unpacked it open, and quietly ate its cold contents in silence.

They hadn't given him any more meals after that.

That was strange.

Mages, even magi, were not given to starve their prisoners as punishment, at least not in Mundus Vetus. The Clock Tower Convention of '46 had outlawed the procedure as inhuman and inadequate. Still, what did he know? He was given to understand there were secret protocols for highly special cases, and he had even learned, during one of his quests for forbidden lore, one of them included summary clandestine executions of those found guilty of highly immoral and dangerous crimes. Perhaps he counted as one of such, as an accomplice in the destruction of the magical community's whole _modus vivendi_.

Then Negi began weeping, because he didn't want for that kind of fate to ever befall Chao, or the rest of his friends.

Another day in the unbearable silence passed before dutiful, respectful Negi dared banging on the door with his small fists.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I realize there's no way I can make up for my misdeeds. But please, could I at least get a few last words with my lawyer, or a final phone call? A Pactio call, maybe?"

He waited for an answer that never came, and sat back down with a weary, tortured sigh.

"I said I was sorry," he repeated himself. "For all the good that makes, but that's all I can do now."

His jailers remained silent and unseen, and now Negi actually began growing worried. He hadn't heard them walling his door up, or sniffed any gas filtering in, so even in the event of an execution, things weren't adding up at all. Now he was finally pushing through his despair to see the facts from the impartial perspective of someone with nothing left to lose or protect, his normally keen mind could realize that. He knew they still wanted more info from him, so why hadn't they returned for more questioning? A dead boy can supply no answers, a live ermine can.

Of course, if they had captured Chao, maybe they just didn't need him anymore. She could tell them about everything, while, well, he just couldn't. Even so, that didn't feel 'right' either, even leaving the moral angles aside. This whole situation felt highly illogical. It was as if they had just... abandoned him. And more importantly, abandoned the holding pen, in a time where odds were they would be hurting for room for many more prisoners.

He hadn't heard steps outside, or the obligatory questions of his guards, making sure he still was in there. Looking up, he realized even his surveillance camera was occasionally flicking off briefly, until it finally went dead. Long before he did. No. Even for an execution, that made no sense.

He walked back towards the bathroom and checked the running water had stopped as well. He turned every and each light switch on and off, and they weren't working either. Then it dawned on him, maybe the situation was far worse than he had imagined.

"Oh my God," he said in a hushed, distraught tone, before dashing back to the door and slamming his fists and feet on it repeteadly, moved by a frantic angst. Blows that had defeated fighters several times his size and far more experienced than him during the Mahorafest Tournament did nothing on the reinforced door, and after nearly a hour of bashing and hitting, the spent, underfed boy teacher dropped on the floor, gasping for air, whimpering. "Not... fair. Not fair! What have I done?! My God, what have I done?!"

Pushing himself up onto his knees, he whacked on the door with his forehead furiously, shouting up a storm. "CHISAME! CHAO, MASTER EVA, KU-ROSHI! TAKAMICHI, ANYONE! Please..." he slid back down in tears, completely defeated and crushed. "Please, just... be okay... I only need to know..."

He fell asleep shortly after, some way or another. He hadn't intended to, but his body had given up for him.

Negi had no idea how long he had been unconscious when the horrible sounds on his door woke him up. He only knew of the taste on his tongue as he pulled his mouth off the floor, and of the unbearable sensation in his stomach, and of all the nightmares that had plagued his highly troubled sleep. He had no idea what could be happening right outside, although it sounded like someone was-

Then, instinctively, he pulled back, reeling away on his ass, as the door plummeted off its hinges and fell where had been only a second ago. With a fully dry throat, he gasped at the sight of the person now standing at the cell's doorstep, staring down at him with clear, large, cold eyes. The eyes of an unrepentant killer.

"You," he recognized her. "You?" he repeated one moment later. On the one hand, it kind of made sense for her to be kept in the same building as him, on the other, it made no sense at all she was out of her own cell...

"Oh," Golden Darkness scoffed slightly, clearly unimpressed at the sight of the short boy at her feet. Her long blond hair was hovering around her in the shape of twin gigantic jackhammers. "What a disappointment, I was expecting for someone more capable. What are you doing here, anyway?"

Still, it was good to finally see someone else again.

* * *

Quickly, he looked away, since his angle would give him a good view of the panties under her short black skirt, and besides being a good English gentleman, he knew she despised perversion- and quite violently, at that- above everything else. "I, I was charged with betrayal to the magical community," he sputtered a confusion.

She arched a thin eyebrow of gold. "You of all people? Is this some sort of setup for me?"

"Wh-Why would we do that when you already were imprisoned?!" he asked, still twisting his neck aside towards the wall. "How did you escape YOUR cell anyway?"

"Tube. I was held in a tube, not a cell," Golden Darkness corrected him. "A tube my jailers stopped visiting days ago, after which I started applying as much pressure on it as I could. Fortunately, it paid off, since otherwise we both would have starved to death."

Shocked, the teacher spun his head up and around to stare widely into her tranquil eyes. "What do you mean with that?!"

She grabbed him by a hand and helped him up, which was surprising on itself, but moreso considering the gentle, even caring way she did it. "Our caretakers have abandoned the building, or at least the part of it that remains under lockdown. Unfortunately, it's sealed so tightly I couldn't find a way out. That's why I was looking for other prisoners to free, so they could possibly be of any help."

Negi's breath left his body. "They... They abandoned us, just like that? But, but that makes no sense!"

The hired assassin shrugged. "If you say so. I'll trust your judgment on it since I ignore much about the ways of your people yet."

Negi sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Okay. Hm. I'll see what can we do. Does this mean we have a truce for now?"

"You never were my sworn enemy, I make a habit out of never harming children. If I fought your forces twice it was just because I gave my word, but I wouldn't hurt you without a valid reason," she flatly told him. "Of course, should you not abandon Saotome Haruna's toxic company before being of legal age, you will be my sworn foe by association as well."

He frowned at the killer for hire who had plagued him and his White Wings first in Kyoto and then at Mahora itself. "I'd never desert a sincere friend and supporter like Haruna-san."

"Hopefully you'll grow out of your delusions over time," the blonde told him. "You can't expect true friendship from perverts and deviants, she's just fooling you. Then again, you're just a child, so I'll overlook your foolishness for now."

"I'm not just a child!" he childishly pouted at the girl who, in all fairness, wasn't that much taller than him. "But fine, this isn't the time to be bickering, much less fighting each other. First of all, I'm going to need my staff and my Pactio cards..."

She nodded and turned around, beginning to walk away. "Of course. They should be in the room of confiscated belongings where I found my clothes in storage."

Negi gasped and blushed as he followed her. "You mean... they were holding you-?!"

She nodded without looking back. "I won't hold it against them, however, since it's just plain common sense to take a dangerous prisoner's clothes away. A professional killer of a decent level can strangle you with a sleeve, suffocate you with buttons, stab you in a vein or artery with a belt buckle. So I'm giving them the benefit of doubt and assuming they didn't do it out of perversion... for now..."

"They kept me fully dressed, however," Negi pointed out, despite vaguely suspecting he shouldn't.

"That's different," Golden Darkness coldly said, "I made it clear I was talking about dangerous individuals."

By default, Negi always liked everyone he met, but then he realized this girl was making it really difficult so far.

* * *

Negi frowned at the mess scattered all over the room's floor. "You," he said, "should have put everything back in place after you were finished."

"I saw no point on it. Why to waste my time?" Golden Darkness casually asked as the boy sighed and crouched down to start rummaging through the piles of varied junk and personal belongings she had spreaded in all directions less than one hour before. He could have summoned his staff by just calling out to it, but he wanted to save as much of his magical energy as he could, feeling overall weakened and slightly dizzy right now.

Not that he had to take that long anyway, since moments after he felt the familiar wooden surface and tugged on it, pulling the bandaged treasure from his father back to relative light. He smiled widely, happy to see the staff well preserved, before realizing something and looking back at Yami. "Hadn't you recognized it while looking through. It is rather distinctive, you know..."

"I wasn't paying much attention to random walking sticks," she told him. "I can't use magic, anyway, so any catalyst for it would be useless for me all the same. Besides, while I briefly saw you using it, it didn't occur to me at the time they might've jailed you as well. They always spoke very highly of you before they disappeared."

Negi blinked. "Really?"

Yami nodded. "Why did they imprison you, then?"

He sighed sadly as he began looking for the next item in his mental list. "I was found guilty of allowing a major conspiracy to unveil the secrets of the magecracy to the mundanes."

"I see," Golden Darkness said. "Your companions always struck me as the kind to never keep any secrets for long."

"I won't blame others over my own misfortunes and mistakes, especially not my friends," he sternly told her while pulling out a small sealed case on which a note reading ' Springfield, N.' had been pinned. Grunting, he literally ripped it open with vigor and smiled, checking all his seventeen cards where there, every last one in a pristine state of being. Chisame, Misora, Satomi, Misa, Asuna, Sakurako, Haruka, Haruna, Ayaka, Yuuna, Sora, Konoka, Setsuna, Cocone, Madoka, Alice*, and Evangeline**. He sighed in bliss. "Good, they're all okay..."

Yami looked over his shoulder, then harshly slapped him across the back of his head.

"OWW!" he complained, rubbing the struck area.

"Ecchi," she icily accused him. "I know what those things are for, and how they are made. I've fought several mages before."

Negi scowled, standing up. "You don't know the first thing about our circumstances."

"Nor I want to," she replied. "Well? I never thought I'd be saying this, but why aren't you summoning them here already?"

"It's not that easy," answered Negi as he stuck the cards into his breast pocket. "This unit has been built mainly to hold magically powered prisoners, and if it's truly been placed into lockdown, then summoning anyone here would be not only useless but dangerous- the walls are supposed to be protected against magical effects, meaning nothing can pass through them."

"Right, that makes sense," Yami nodded. "So no teleporting in or out, no way to establish links with the outside even if you were to escape your cell."

"Precisely," Negi nodded back. "If I were to attempt transporting my friends in here, they'd either be blocked out, leaving them easy pickings for anyone right outside, or they'd get stuck in mid transit- probably right at the middle of a thick wall. And I'm not going to run those risks no matter what."

Yami hummed thoughtfully. "Then what? Air vents?"

"Booby trapped," Negi looked up at the ceiling. "I've read on these facilities, they are all but unescapable. Our best bet would be simply smashing our way out through a wall, but... I imagine you've already tried that yourself."

She nodded, her lower lip pouting up very slightly. "I didn't even put a dent on it," she admitted.

"Figures," Negi sighed. "And I'm not sure I'm stronger than you yet, either..."

"That's one interesting way to say you are nowhere as strong as I am," Golden Darkness said.

He half-smirked despite everything. "I've been training a lot since last time we met. I might just surprise you. Actually, let's just hope I can."

While he rolled his sleeves up, she huffed. "Are you actually just going along with it, just like that? I was under the impression you were far too law abiding..."

"I try to be," the boy said, "but these events don't match with any legal procedure I have been officially informed of, so I think I'm just going to break out so I can handle myself over to an actual instance of legal punishment."

"As long as I'm not delivered as well," Yami threatened, shaping a hand into a blade and waving it twice towards him.

He exhaled. "I already delivered you to the law once, so let's simply agree I shouldn't be carrying out the same arrest for the same crimes twice. I won't consider this breakout a crime since it's a simple matter of survival, something you still are entitled to."

Yami pondered his words carefully and then asked, still not lowering the blade, "Are you a teacher on English or Law? I should fairly warn you, I really dislike lawyers..."

Negi threw his hands up, walking towards the door. "Let's just find the furthest point we can reach and try breaking out from there, okay?"

* * *

Negi and Yami dropped on their butts, exhausted, after unloading everything they had on the sealed exit.

Golden Darkness had led him to the furthest closed door she had found in the restricted area, the one that just wouldn't give in no matter what. He had charged up with Cantus Bellax and then they had unleashed their best attacks together, concentrating on the same spots at once, never taking a breath as they pummeled, blasted and otherwise released the mother of all beatings on the large, thick black door. Most buildings, even most living creatures, would have been left completely obliterated after receiving such a merciless, relentless onslaught...

But the door didn't fall, didn't even show any evident signs of damage.

"Well," Negi panted, with his hands on his knees, "we're going to need another approach."

Yami pouted and took a hand to her grumbling stomach. "Maybe we need feeding before trying again. I don't feel at the peak of my capacities."

"Me neither," he had to confess, feeling actually rather dizzy and disoriented. The boy sighed sadly. "I only hope they haven't taken the food supplies away..."

Yami got up and began walking back the way they had come, her heels softly clicking against the cold floor. "I only hope they have teriyaki. If they do, the rest is all yours."

Negi blinked before following her. "You only eat teriyaki? That, that just can't be the basis for a healthy balanced diet!"

"My digestive system assimilates and processes nutrients in a way that diversifies the nutritive components of any meal in a way that satisfies all of my current biological needs," the hitwoman explained quietly as she made her way into the supply area, which fortunately had been left inside of their limits. Reaching over with the long tendrils of her hair, she began opening one locker lined up with stands of preserved food after another, making Negi sigh in relief. At the very least, they wouldn't be facing starvation yet. "However, to simplify the procedure, my organism would rather adapt to a single type of food at a time. And I like teriyaki the best of all."

"Oh... okay," Negi absently said, unsure of what else to add.

Then she smiled as she finally found what she had been looking for, as one of the largest lockers was filled with bags and bags of fresh teriyaki in several flavors. "There is hope for your society yet," she told him, with a faintly pleased smile.

"Um... thank you?"

* * *

Technically, the electricity had been cut off, but even so, thanks to one of Negi's fire spells, they had been able to cook a decent meal for themselves. Neither was a good cook, but Negi had some outdoors survival training from Merdiana, and Yami was used to looking for herself on the wilderness of alien planets, so they could at least make edible food.

Now they sat before each other in the mild darkness, eating in a tense, subdued silence.

One that Negi ended up breaking, naturally. It was obvious she wasn't going to do it.

"Why do you think they did it?" he asked.

Golden Darkness looked at the ceiling, as if trying to feel something in the surface, above the underground complex. "Whatever their reasons were, they were born from an emergency. I was supposed to be delivered to the Galaxy Police for a trial at Jurai itself. The fact they not only isolated me, but they haven't come to look for me yet, tells me something drastically huge has happened outside."

"Jurai?" Negi asked.

She nodded. "One of the most powerful homeworlds in the Galaxy. I was deceived into killing one of their highest ranking officers. No way they would just leave me here to rot afterwards, not after my location was signaled to them by your superiors. Emperor Azusa and Lady Seto would want to punish me themselves."

"My superiors? Do they... Do they actually have the means to contact alien cultures, just like that?"

"Pretty much all high authorities on Earth do, at least those who command really high levels of power," Yami informed him. "Of course, that's not something they want to be of any public knowledge, not even across lower ranking members of their forces like yourself."

Negi frowned incredulously.

"I have no reasons to lie to you," Yami told him. "Professor Mikado Ryoko? She's your academy's, and your Kanto Association's, liaison with the Galactic Federation. Most world leaders have one as well, and there's even a global organization of Men in Black working in tandem with your governments to keep the existence of extraterrestrials a secret from the populace."

"..." Negi said.

"What is so unbelievable about that? It is the same thing your own ranks do about the existence of magic. That's why you are here in the first place, isn't it?"

Negi swallowed the last mouthful of his dinner (or breakfast or lunch, since he had lost track of the time already and all clocks had stopped working) and sighed. "I see. So what could have stalled those aliens from coming to retrieve you? You seem to imply they were about to do so."

She nodded. "Indeed, my transport to trial was most likely a priority for Jurai, and even a global conflict in your planet probably wouldn't delay them in the slightest. They'd just descend discreetly, retrieve me, and depart with me. They wouldn't need to concern themselves with whatever is happening to you."

Negi grew even more concerned. "Are you talking about-" he trailed off, every idea that came to his mind too horrible to linger on it any long. Again, he checked on his Pactio cards to see they all were okay.

Golden Darkness stood up and stretched lazily. "I will worry about that once I have escaped. In the meanwhile, I'll recover my full strenght by resting before attempting a breakout again. You should do the same, at your own room," she suggested, heading back to the chamber of her containment tube.

Negi blinked. "Um... okay."

"But before you rejoin me," she warned him, "do try and cleanse yourself. Your smell is frankly unbearable."

Negi blushed and looked down, muttering an unintelligible apology as the petite blonde closed the door behind herself.

* * *

They dropped on their butts again, looking up haplessly at the still pristine, unyielding reinforced door.

"Scott Free," Yami mumbled.

Negi blinked at her. "Excuse me?"

She gave a small sigh. "That's whom we would need to escape this place. The best escape artist in the galaxy. I have been in several difficult prisons before, but this one's particularly vexing in its simplicity."

It was like being trapped in a plain box with little to no features that could be exploited as openings, no groups to inmates to interact and coordinate escape plans with, no guards to threaten or bribe. Or like being trapped in a coffin sealed underground, without the necessary firepower to flee it. She had never dealt with supernaturally enforced captivity before, all of her prior prisons were based on scientific principles, so she was utterly baffled as to how to deal with this new, unexpected environment.

As much as she admit to admit it, the boy could be her best bet for freedom.

She was so fucking lost.

"Is Scott Free his real name," Negi asked, "or he picked it just because he was an escape artist?"

"Don't be a namist," she chided him.

"How am I being a namist? I'm not saying it's a bad or ridiculous name, I'm just saying it's awfully convenient for an escape artist to have... Anyway, do you know him, have you learned anything from him?"

She shook her head, getting up and touching the door with her fingers, trying to push it down, only to find out it still wasn't budging at all. Not even after they had tried again well rested and fed, and even harder than the day before. She grimaced. "Never met him myself. Now I wish I had."

Negi dusted his hands off on his pants. "No visible hinges to attack, no clear weak spots. Maybe we should try another angle. Let's look all over the place for a vulnerable area, there must be one somewhere."

Golden Darkness pondered this suggestion before realizing she didn't really have a better one herself yet. "Worth a try," she conceded.

* * *

The next meal, after a particularly frustrating chain of strikes at strategic-looking areas of the complex, felt especially chilly and uncomfortable to Negi. It was like eating with a disgruntled Chisame, but even far worse. He was under the impression Golden Darkness somehow blamed him for their joint failure at demolishing anything but the furniture and blasting a way out to freedom, so he guessed it was up to him to break the ice, re-establish a functional enough working relationship, and set their efforts back on track.

Being a nerd whose social success relied on appeal and charm over any actual knowledge of how to handle difficult surly people, he naturally started by asking the withdrawn, silent girl a personal question.

"So, um, what do you intend to do after breaking out?"

She glared at him. "Why should that matter to you?"

"Hm, well, it's not like it's any personal business of mine, but..."

"Are you afraid I'll kill Saotome Haruna?"

"Now that you mention it, I'd rather prefer you wouldn't try that, as not only it seems pointless, but it would place us at odds against each other again, but-"

"Right now," Yami said, "I've got more important things to worry about than punishing your perverted friend. Even if the world outside is still functioning as usual, Jurai will still be after me, and I can't stay here after my location has been compromised. I'll have to go retrieve my ship and escape off-planet while I figure my next move out."

Negi blinked. "Your ship?"

"Aren't you supposed to be a genius? How else did you think I arrived to this planet?"

"No, no, I get that," Negi argued, "but I wasn't aware you still had access to a ship. Even if it had survived the landing that brought you here, I'd assumed they'd have confiscated it after your arrest."

Realizing she had said too much already, she uneasily only added the necessary as to not raise any more suspicions or questions. "I'm not an idiot, I left it in a faraway secret location before coming to Japan. I can fly under my own power, so I only need the vessel for interplanetary travel."

"I see..."

"What about you? Are you seriously going to simply turn yourself again?"

He shrugged. "What else can I do, live the rest of my existence as a fugitive?"

"It's what I intend to do, what do you have against my life choices?"

"N-Nothing! But I have people I care about, who would pay the consequences of my actions in my place!"

"What makes you think I don't?"

He blinked and blushed. "Y-You do, too? Oh dear, sorry, I had no idea, I had just assumed, ehhh, sorry about assuming things in the first place-!"

"No, actually, I just wanted to congratulate your deduction powers since I don't really have any people I actually care about."

"... oh."

"It comes with being in this line of work."

"I believe you."

She waited, looking at his face.

"Wh-What?" Negi finally stammered, still nervous.

"Aren't you going to tell me I shoould have to find myself people to care about, and who would care about me in turn?"

"I... I don't think I should be telling you how to live your life, so..."

Yami hummed softly, taking another bite of teriyaki. "That's funny. I had pegged you as the type who would stupidly preach to others about filling their lives with hope and friendship, but I'm glad I was wrong this once."

Negi frowned, looking slightly troubled. "Ah... Thank you?"

Now that she mentioned it, that nagged him slightly, the feeling he now realized he should have tried talking her out of that bleak, solitary outlook on life. He was fairly certain he would have done it, too, before getting to know-

Ah.

"We must get out of here as soon as possible," he declared out of the blue, putting his bowl down and all but growling the words out with fierce resolve.

"Of course, of course," she kept on eating at her own dignified pace. "Glad to see our conversation made you actually realize the stupidly obvious at last, too."

He really was missing Chisame a lot now.

* * *

After unleashing enough firepower (both physical and magical, just in case and because they were growing that desperate) to obliterate the now ransacked criminal belongings room but the walls (which continued standing just as proudly as before) Negi decided to try the communication channels again.

Yami sat by herself, sulking, and occassionally giving sharp glances his way. That way he'd stalked of, barely saying anything, after their latest failure somehow was annoying her more than the failure itself, since she had the vague impression she was being blamed on it all. Not that she cared about his opinion or about listening to him as little as possible, of course, but still, she felt she was being done an injustice all the same.

She'd escaped her cell on her own, after all, which he hadn't been able to achieve, so it was perfectly rational assuming the lion's share of the ongoing failing was on him. How he'd managed to become a leader anyway? And how could it be a team led by someone like him had defeated so many powerful enemies, herself included, so far? Edge in sheer numbers and blind luck were factors, no doubt, but she still doubted those explained it all.

As she saw him struggling with phones, computers and old fashioned radio systems (mages apparently were quite stuck in the old ways of that planet) just as uselessly as all prior times she couldn't help but wondering whether admiring his stubborn drive or detesting his blindness to reality. Then, while looking at his back in silence, she had an idea.

But no, naturally, that couldn't and shouldn't be the solution to their- _her_ predicaments. She refused to even consider the option beyond that point, disgusted at herself, but mostly at him.

Golden Darkness hugged her knees, rested her chin on them, and kept on sulking mutely while hearing the boy slowly descend into anguished self-recrimination, his small hands strongly banging against a metal desk...

* * *

Golden Darkness still slept in the shattered tube she had escaped from days ago.

Her position in it would have been impossibly uncomfortable for most, but Yami was well used to sleep in inhuman conditions, and as a matter of fact, a rather large part of her life had been spent in tubes. So she had no problems getting to sleep. It is important to make this clear, since this wasn't the reason why she woke up that night.

In the middle of the night, her sharp sense of hearing had caught on some unexpected motion outside of 'her' chamber. At first she had expected one of their caretakers might have returned, the better to ambush them and fight her way to freedom from there. But as she peeked out with each limb turned into a sharp weapon, her hopes were disappointed, as she only saw Negi Springfield, sleepwalking around, moaning softly in his undershirt and boxers, shuffling around like one of the undead.

"Chi-sa-me-" he would say, barely understandable, every once in a while, and Golden Darkness knew he was calling out for one of his companions. One with glasses, she seemed to remember from her thankfully short interactions with them. At the very least, he wasn't calling out for Saotome.

She kept on observing him, seeing him scratch at every door he passed along and groaning like a needy animal as he did so, his troubled tone downright feverish at times. For an academic used to hold answers and keep an uptight attitude when he couldn't find them, he had to release a lot of bottled up tension somehow, she guessed. Sleepwalkers were, in her experience, always disturbed people in one way or another. Even she could sleep at peace with herself, after all, eve if pure survival needs had made her easy to wake up by outside interferences.

Just like this one.

Finally, in his aimless trudging, he stopped before the door, standing before her, and while she knew he couldn't see her, she still frowned at him, almost challenging. His hands roamed around, reaching for the part where a door's handle would have been; since that roughly corresponded to where her chest currently was in his way, she had to slap his hands away with a large hand made of strands of her compressed hair. And she was being understanding and easy on him since he was only a child.

However, as his hands were slapped, a few golden hairs flew from their whole, and floated up to tickle his nose. He grimaced, then his nose twitched a few times. She raised an eyebrow, and then he loudly sneezed on her, with the force of a small hurricane, blowing her hair back and shredding all clothes off her body and into tiny black petals that fluttered around them...

THEN she furiously punched him through the wall that separated the hallway from his cell room.

 **"ECCHI!"**

* * *

"For the last time," Negi coldly said, bearing his black eye as a proud wound of war, "my sleepwalking is not faked at all, it's merely an otherwise harmless manifestation of... let's call it childhood trauma I developed back at home."

Yami scowled almost viciously while he finished drawing his paper copy. "I can't believe it. Then why haven't you gotten it treated?"

"Because it's otherwise harmless," he patiently repeated himself.

"How can you say it's harmless right after telling me it drives you to sleepwalk into others' beds?!" she protested, threatening him with a massive hair fist.

He kept his British grace under the pressure. "Back there, I only walked into my sister's bed, making it far more acceptable."

"No, if anything, the fact she was your sister only made it worse!"

"I fail to see how," he said. "As for my stay here, well, Chisame has taken measures to make sure I never walk into her bunk or Satomi-san's."

"Uh-huh," she growled, eyes squinted. "Such as?"

"That's an entirely private matter that, also concerning Chisame, I don't feel entitled to reveal away from her presence," he piously said, unwilling to confess it was because Chisame had him sleep in her bunk in the first place so he wouldn't sleepwalk around. "Anyway, it's done now," he quickly added, interrupting Yami's next proteste before it could be voiced.

He shook the paper doll he'd been carefully writing onto, and in a small puff of smoke it changed into a nearly identical duplicate of himself. Yami was, despite herself, mildly struck, and truly voiceless for a second. While she had ran into clones before, she'd never had seen anyone creating them in less than months of sample taking and bio-artificial development. To create them from paper and a black pen was downright astounding!

"Hello!" the duplicate said happily. "I'm Negi."

The real Negi nodded. "Nice to meet you, Negi. I'm Negi."

The duplicate nodded and turned to Yami, greeting her as well. "Hello! I'm Negi."

Golden Darkness just blinked. She was vaguely reminded of that tree creature who was partnered with that hideously annoying furry mammal in Sector 616, and she wasn't sure she liked that all that much.

"They aren't very intelligent, I'm afraid," the real Springfield told the alien hitwoman, "but he'll suffice for a simple task like this. Negi?"

"Yes? I'm Negi," Negi told Negi.

Negi nodded at Negi. "Negi, we want you to climb up into that air vent and see where it leads you. Be warned you may run into several traps along your way, but I've cast several basic and advanced routines of survival into you-"

"He barely can say anything but his name!" Yami pointed out.

"And that's because I left little room in his mind for anything but avoiding traps," the actual teacher told her. "Anyway, Negi, your mission is seeing how far through the air conduits you can go, then return here and report us on your discoveries. Can you do that, Negi?"

"Yes! I'm Negi!"

"That's the spirit!" Negi patted Negi on the shoulders. "Now go and please take good care of yourself!"

"Yes! I'm Negi!" Negi nodded, hopping onto the desk under the air vent, then quickly and skillfully climbing up and into it. Before any long, he had scurried away through the vent system, while his originator and Yami waited tensely...

Then the sound of a powerful explosion startled them, along a sharp, shrill cry of "I'M NEGI!"

And the ventilation system sprayed a rain of confetti all over them.

Negi sighed. "See," he sadly told Golden Darkness, "I told you it wouldn't be that easy..."

"Maybe you could send one down the toilet, or would it unravel in contact with the water?" she suggested.

* * *

"I'm not looking forward to eating your remains," Golden Darkness quietly, miserably even, said over the next somber meal.

"Maybe," Negi respectfully said, "it would help if you consumed your rations less... quickly."

"I can't help it," she said. "I have a high caloric intake. Moreso when I'm trying my best to apply unusual amounts of physical strenght on something."

"I am doing that too, you know," Negi informed her.

Yami glared at him. "Why did you take that as a personal attack?"

"I don't know, from the tone you said it, it sounded like you were resenting me..."

"I resent you over many things," she said, "but that isn't one of them. It's hardly your fault you are weak."

"I'm not weak!" he protested.

"No, I suppose, for a Terran, you aren't."

He pouted. "Well, these Terrans you look at with such contempt have, not only caught you, but also kept you imprisoned more successfully than anyone else, isn't that right?"

Now she downright glared at him. "Don't ever use that tone again with me. I've overlooked many of your missteps because you are a child, but if you insist on being as insolent as an adult, I'll treat you as such."

"Oh, but it's okay for _you_ to talk down at me!" he argued. "Look, I'm not asking for much, just for a little respect! I hardly like being here any more than you do!"

She put her bowl down and readied herself. "Fine then. Let's fight."

Negi blinked. "What?"

"I'm sick of enduring you and your uselessness. If you think I'm treating you with contempt, fine, I'll give you enough respect as to treat you as an adversary instead. Prepare yourself."

"Wait, I don't want to fight at all! What happened to simply talking things out? I realize I might have stepped out of the line, and I'm sorry, I've been under too much pressure, but I don't think I'm the only one here who-"

"I didn't ask you if you **wanted to** fight," she matter-of-factly told him, and then rushed at him.

* * *

It wasn't that Negi Springfield disliked fighting. Well, originally, he did, but training under Ku Fei and Evangeline had changed his mind on the subject, at least in what concerned to calculated violence as a tool of personal improvement. He had come to greatly appreciate and even enjoy fighting for sport between two agreeing competitors, each of whom would derive some physical and arguably spiritual enhancement out of the experience.

And since his fighting education had come from two women, he hardly had the same overall qualms about fighting women than Kotaro had. He'd enjoyed his fights in the Mahora Tournament against females as much as he'd enjoyed all those he had fought against any males but Takamichi and Albireo, and those two only because of what they personally meant for him, regardless of their gender.

So that wasn't what was bothering him about fighting Golden Darkness now.

It was how pointless this fight was.

"This is absurd!" he shouted even as he dodged another series of fast flying blades sprouting from her body, blocking a massive mallet created from her right leg with his forearm, and then doing a leg sweep on her left foot. "We shouldn't be fighting each other when we still have to work together!"

"First prove it's worth working with you!" she argued, leaping back to her feet, then spinning in the air as she dodged his Sagitta Magica which crashed against the ceiling, being absorbed by its magic-neutralizing properties.

"I could ask the same from you, yet I'm not doing it!" he protested, trying to incapacitate without seriously hurting, and without destroying the parts of the facilities they still needed for their survival.

"Then consider this a chance I'm giving you to test me, too!" she offered, holding herself back far less so, yet still not going all out either. He knew he couldn't afford himself to be gentle, and in a way, she probably didn't deserve it either; she was a career killer, and most likely, her hands were far dirtier with blood than Amagasaki Chigusa's had ever been. She lacked the heartfelt restrains of Kotaro, replaced by cold, harsh efficiency, and yet, he knew that same lack of qualms meant she could kill him in his sleep if she really wished it so. He still couldn't figure her real motives to attack him right now, despite of her words, and that only made him more confused about the whole ordeal.

Then again, he suspected she wasn't all that clear on the topic herself.

They blew each other through walls that sadly only led to other rooms they already had access to. Whenever they hit a wall leading to different sectors of the complex, such walls would not fall yet, either. They fought with a mixture of brutal abandon and heartfelt reluctance to take their agression- or defense- to their last consequences. They kicked, blasted, pummeled and punched each other in ways that would have quickly annihilated most other adversaries they ever had. Before long, they both were bloodied and bruised, their cute, appealing faces swollen and covered in scratches and wounds.

They rolled through the kitchen's door and across its floor almost like crazed lovers, stopping only when they hit the oven with a metallic clang. She landed on top of him, panting and aiming a long scimitar of transformed hair at his throat. He rasped and wheezed, holding the tip of his father's staff against the base of her chin.

They intensely looked into each other's eyes, each whispered a none too pleasing but perfectly educated and non vulgar word, and then they pulled away from each other, cheeks reddened by more than the heat of battle and the bleeding from their cuts.

They knelt on the floor eyeing each other suspiciously, in a new, strangely pregnant silence, struggling with confusing, turbulent feelings neither understood or wanted to understand. She briefly created a pair of giant scissors out of her hair, snipped at the air tentatively with him, and pondered striking at him again, but finally just undid them with a weary sigh.

He thought about asking her if she'd had enough already, but decided against it, too.

So they just remained there, in silence, looking at each other.

"Okay," Golden Darkness finally said, icily and inhumanly, green eyes narrowed in a vicious scowl. "You win. I'll do it."

Negi blinked, childlike confusion almost flowing back instantly just like that. "You'll do what?"

She sneered evilly at him, then clumsily pouted her soft pink lips towards him, showing a complete lack of experience, practical or otherwise, on the subject.

Negi instantly grew ghastly pale, and not because of the blood he'd lost during the battle.

* * *

"I... I thought you had said, more than once, you hated perversion?" Negi could finally say, quite helplessly.

"I thought you had said there was nothing of perversion in what you do?" Yami glacially accused him.

"Not what I do, what I did, I promised myself to never- Anyway, you still think it's perverted, so why to bring that up now!" the boy grew panickly agitated.

"It's true I hate ecchi, of course," she said. "You know what else I hate? Starving to death."

"But we haven't tried so many alternative options already, like, um, ah, and-"

She grabbed him by his collar and shook him angrily. "Do you think I haven't spent days ransacking my brain for alternatives? Do you think I'd stoop this low if I had other viable options for my survival?!"

"Ah, so that's why you were acting that way towards me, then..."

She let him go with a disgusted groan. "Don't think so highly of yourself. My frustration at you had nothing to do with any dependence of mine on you, but on your inability to stand on your own without a convenient 'alliance'. And before you say anything, yes, I do realize that applies to me as well, in a way. I haven't grown as strong as I should have, and this is my way to punish myself over that, too."

Negi frowned. "I'm not sure that's the right attitude for-"

"Either way," she flatly summarized, "I'd rather think of this as a continuation of our terms of temporary teamwork. Let us compromise you depend as much on me as I depend on you... until we break free, and all bets amongst us are off. We will walk our separate ways, hopefully never meet again, and will never mention this to anybody else."

He found himself nodding thoughtfully. "If it's a temporray alliance, it can be dissolved through a mutual agreement and ceremony staged between both contractors, but-"

"Now what?" Golden Darkness growled, blushing uncomfortably.

"I don't know how to set a Pactio up," he confessed.

"You. The prodigy mage who's had more than fifteen of those... disgusting things. You don't know how to set them up."

"W-Well, every time, it would be Chamo who would do it, that's his job as my Familiar, I mean, a part of it anyway, and I always thought it'd be rather rude from me to-"

"Who's Chamo?"

"My ermine friend," Negi informed him. "You've seen him already!"

Yami stared blankly at him.

"The white weasel," Negi sighed.

"Ah. Still, every last time you have seen him doing it, haven't you?"

"Why yes, naturally, but-"

She frowned in an extremely sour way at him.

Negi gulped. "I suppose I could try it, but what would happen if I failed, and it all were for nothing...?"

"Then I would murder you over taking advantage of me. Just like I will murder you eventually as I grow desperate and crazed by starvation."

"And if it doesn't fail, won't you murder me anyway?"

"I might not."

"..." Negi said.

"..." Yami replied, still frowning and blushing. It was just as terrifying and brutal as it was cute.

Negi sighed. "We're going to need some chalk."

* * *

"They had chalk in a drawer. Of course they'd have chalk sticks in a drawer of a holding unit..." Negi muttered as he drew the circle on the floor.

"Too true," Yami uneasily agreed. "I can see the point of it in a permanent jail, as to educate the inmates, although I still believe prompt executions make far more sense in a reasonable legal system. But I can't fathom what it'd be doing in this place..."

"Well, most of the staff here also works at the school, so there's that," the boy mused while still working on the pattern. "Some of us just kind of put chalk in our pockets after writing on the blackboard, and then forget about it..."

The girl sighed, rubbing the bridge of her small nose. "You know what, this is an awful idea. Let's drop it already."

He also sighed while pulling back and standing up, dusting the chalk off his hands. "It's not going to work anyway. I copied the design from what I've seen of Chamo's drawings, not because I wanted to pull it off, mind, but Chamo's an artist, I just can't compare. Chamo-"

Then the circle of runes began glowing, making Golden Darkness grimace and wince visibly.

"Chamo's done this far too many times, definitely," Negi decided with gloomy accuracy.

The blonde shook her hands before herself. "W-W-Wipe it off! You lied to me, you pervert! You said you couldn't do it!"

"I was wrong, okay, I'm not perfect!" he argued.

"Oh, you aren't perfect, but you can pull that off in your first try?!" she demanded, pointing down for emphasis.

"Okay, okay, I'll wipe it off, but it was your idea anyway!" he said, aiming his staff at the floor.

"Only because I don't want to die!"

"Neither do I!"

"Then why are you foiling what could be our only survival chance?!"

"Because you just told me to! And because I want to in the first place!"

"Well, then do it!"

"I'll do it!" he cried, clenching his teeth and gripping harder on the staff, his hands trembling violently...

Then her hand was on his. "W-Wait," she said.

"Now what?"

"L-Listen," she said through gritted teeth. "I realize I'm being irrational, okay? I can't help it. Then again, you aren't being much better. But then, you're only a child."

"I'm not only a-"

"Yes, you are. But, but that's not my point. Y-You're just a child, so this doesn't matter to me anyway, right? It's not like I'm kissing a man, it's barely above kissing a baby."

"Then I'd say that yes, that was your point!"

"Be quiet, child," she coldly scolded him. "Yes. Very well. I'm not being perverted. I'm just kissing a child, it just happens to be on the lips and briefly rather than on the forehead, and anyway several cultures allow light and casually kissing children on the lips without it being s-se-perverted, it's a simple innocent thing to do..." she reassured herself, slightly twitching as she spoke, concerning Negi greatly. He'd have ran or flown away, except because, well, they were imprisoned, which had started the whole mess in the first place.

Then, quickly, before he could react, he had his eyes and most of his face for that matter, tightly covered by Golden Darkness' prehensile hair. Since his mouth was still unblocked, he could voice a gasping, "Hey, what are-!" before being forcefully lifted off his feet and pulled along, feeling the familiar warmth of the Pactio circle under him now.

"B-Before I regain my senses and regret this," Negi heard her voice. extremely bitter and disgusted, before he had a sudden, slightly bittersweet, taste abruptly forced into his mouth.

* * *

Rather quickly, Negi realized this girl was an even worse kisser than Asuna.

It wasn't that he placed any personal value on people's ability or lack thereof to kiss others, of course, but she was actively hurting him with her clumsy, yet extremely agressive and rough kiss, which was at once too forceful and too reluctant, despite how theoretically impossible that should be. It was as if she was pulling her lips back while mostly attacking his mouth her teeth, biting more than actually kissing. Compared to that, the dim bittersweet flavor was a minor thing to think about, really. This wasn't being a pleasurable experience at all, but then, it dawned on him, and worried him, she wouldn't be having any pleasure from it herself.

Which would be terribly bad and sad for her, if this was her first time... and it definitely had to be. Briefly he thought of doing something to make it more plesant for her, but he had no idea what could he do about it, and either way, odds were it'd only enrage her even more anyway. Not to mention she already was pulling back from him, after a final fierce flash of light from below...

Well. At least, it had been short. Thank God.

With evident disgust, she caught the card slowly fluttering down from ceiling level before he could. "You'd better hope this worked-"

Then she gave it a look, and a massive vein bulged on her head.

Negi gulped loudly. "Y-Yami-san...?"

 **"ECCHI!"** she shouted, moments before he had to duck under a gigantic hair-fist projectile, then to leap over several hair-blades flung his way.

"What?!" he protested, jumping and pirouetting his way through the angry onslaught from the furiously hissing Golden Darkness, who was doing her best to crumple her card in a hand, despite how surprisingly resiliant it was proving being. "What did I do, why do I have to die?!"

"Just, just look at what your perverted lips did to me!" she said, shoving her brand new card on his face while fuming, as they briefly stopped in their dangerous dance. He blinked and blushed, taken aback by more than the shock itself of her sudden newest reaction. Now he couldn't be that critical of her, as he had to agree the Spirits of Magic seemed to have played a particularly mean joke on her.

The Pactio card showed her in a skimpy, revealing black attire better fitting Evangeline. Her feet bare, her hands armed with long, sharp claws. A hairpiece with long ornate horns on her head, a ragged cape loosely hanging from her shoulders, and black angel wings sprouting from her back. It was positively scandalous and-

"Indecent, filthy, grotesque, degenerate and insulting!" Yami ranted at him, surrounding him with all sorts of blunt and sharp instruments of destruction and carnage sprouting from her body, from all sides. "You knew this would happen, didn't you? You arranged for it with your strange arcane arts!"

Negi, in the meanwhile, chose focusing on the card's writing rather than her mostly naked graphic depiction. "Your actual name is Eve?" he quietly inquired. "That's almost funny, it's nearly the same as Master's-"

Yami huffed proudly, snatching the card that read _Eve- Tenebris Aurea_ away from him. "I don't want to talk about that," she informed him with deadly seriousness.

Negi shrugged. "That's your prerogative and I'll respect it, sorry for asking. Then, will you murder me before or after we have tried to see if we can use that Pactio to make our escape?"

She opened her mouth as wide as it would go, remained perfectly still for just a second, and then grunted bitterly, lowering all of the weapons pointing at Negi. "After," she murmured. "Depending on our failure or success, I'll make it either more or less painful."

* * *

They were back before the large door blocking them away from the rest of the complex, and now they stood there, they actually paused, despite having waited for a long time for an edge like the one they might have now.

Negi could understand and even share Eve's... he had to stop thinking about her by that name, now... reservations. Trying would mean seeing if the Pactio would help them at all. And failing would mean their alliance- their kiss- had been for naught. He wasn't sure how far her frustration and anger would go then, but he thought he had a fairly accurate idea on the subject, and it wasn't something he was looking forward to.

So he gulped loudly when she finally steeled herself and glacially announced, "I'm doing it now."

"Ah, okay," he said, quickly spinning around on his heels as to face away from her. "J-Just hold the card up, say 'Adeat', and the transformation should follow immediately. Your Artifact might manifest right away with you, especially the first time, but if it doesn't, you only have to summon it by-"

 _"Adeat,"_ she hissed, and then Negi felt the warm, nearly overwhelming flash happening behind him.

Then it subsided just as quickly, and he heard a low, throaty, long drawn moan. Confused by the sound, he spun back and blushed as he saw Eve- no, Yami, whatever- standing there in the same revealing outfit from the card, flexing her claws in and out and smiling spacedly at them, while still moaning in apparent faint delight. There was something strange and utterly different about her expression now, too.

"Negi-kuuuuun..." she cooed, slowly tilting her head around so she could look into his eyes, her eyelids slightly hanging down seductively. "Thank you, for this wonderful gift..."

"Ahhh... You're welcome?" he swallowed, now greatly concerned about what would come next. His Pactios had never altered the Ministra's personality, and neither had those of Lala, Skuld, Itoshiki-sensei, Akashi-sensei or Shirou. Was this a result of Golden Darkness' particular kind of alien biology? Or was she, somehow, just pretending as to set an ambush of sorts for him? "But, but why are you, all of a sudden-"

She sighed dreamily, tossing her long blond hair back. "I'd never felt so... free!... before. Hu hu. Hu, hu, hu. I want to share this... freedom with everybody else now." She caressed the outline of her chin with her claws, giving a new, louder moan. "I'm so warm, everywhere, but especially down there, in my core..."

"Y-Your heart, you mean?" the boy stammered. "That isn't so low, unless you are-"

She laughed in a way that eerily reminded him of Tsukuyomi. Whom he almost was wishing were there now. Or not. "How cute! For a teacher, you've still a lot to learn from your Oneechan. But there are far better, wider classrooms out there. So let's do this!" she happily said, lifting a clawed hand and then bringing down in a quick slashing arc, projecting an abrupt area effect that manifested itself as a pulsating wave of pure disruptive energy...

... And then the door was literally made to collapse unto itself, suctioning itself into a vortex that instantly blinked out of existence, and making Negi gasp in horror. What had he just brought onto this world?

She looked out at the new hallway they had just gained access to, one that didn't look different at all from all those in the maze they had spent days caught into. She licked her lips, looked back at Negi, smiled sweetly at him, and offered him an open hand. "Come on, my mate. Let's explore the world in our honeymoon," she sing-sang, staring deeply at him with those large, fixed green eyes that looked so disturbing compared to their simple earlier murderous resolve.

"H-Honey-?!" he began to gasp the word out before she interrupted him, grasping his hand with just enough force as to not shred it with the sharp talons.

"Why, thank you," she flightily said, and then flew out with a screaming Negi in tow.

* * *

She giggled- _giggled_ , making the skin on the back of his neck crawl- as she zoomed across the air, through corridor after corridor. He tried to keep a presence of mind, analyzing the facts as they fastly unraveled around them, even as she firmly held him against herself, fiercely unwilling to let go of him yet.

They weren't stumbling into any more barriers or finding any defenses blocking their way, which was good in the short range. On the other hand, that strange silence all over wherever they went, that complete absence of any guards or staff anywhere in sight, they all added to the puzzle, and he disliked the implications he could deduce about the whole.

Yet he had little time to dwell on such thoughts, as Golden Darkness' increased flight speed was so high they were reaching the front gates of the large house that secretly nestled the prison facilities in its basements. Such gates were flung open, allowing the former prisoners their first full view of the sunlight in over a week.

"Ooohhhh..." Yami cooed while finally stopping, delicate bare feet landing on the manor's front steps, even as Negi instinctively shielded his brow from the intense sun at first, blinking a few times as to be able to look at- at-

"Oh my goodness," he quietly said.

The house overlooked most of the surrounding campus grounds, which were as deserted as the insides of the facilities. Not devastated, not wrecked and tirn, but abandoned and still all the same, not a single human soul anywhere in sight.

Small birds chirped on the still intact trees, but the streets showed clear signs of having been unattended for days, and the houses and buildings in the distance seemed to be empty, no one coming in or out of them, no inhabitants at the windows. It was as if Mahora had became a ghost town, not through the force of violence of annihilation, but just as efficiently as if it had. "What..." the boy genius asked himself, "What is going on here..."

His newest Ministra Magi sighed in good humor, hugged him harder so his face would be pressed between her breasts and his limbs would madly flail around, and she stared into the lonely horizon line, with the same almost vacant, broken eyes and matching wide smile.

"I think," she pleasantly, but just as creepily, said, "I'm going to like this a lot!" 

* * *

Elsewhere.

The soft sounds of gentle waves affably hitting the shoreline woke him from his troubled sleep.

The young, cadaveric man on the bed, under thin white blankets and an almost as light ceiling that allowed a lot of natural illumination in, finally shook the chains of slumber off and groggily sat up, wearing a thin white robe. He took a hand to his aching forehead and then reached around, feeling for his glasses on the nightstand next to the bed. That was where his butler always left them for him, after all.

He had been there more than once. He had recognized the room as soon as he regained consciousness. It was part of the Itoshikis' favorite island resort, where he had spent many a vacation under circumstances most other boys would have found highly enjoyable. Not him, but he didn't fault the island, the house or the servants for that. That was just the way he was.

Soon enough, his long, bony fingers latched on the glasses, and he put them back on, getting a better look of the bedroom, which had hardly changed at all since the last time he had been there. He also saw the person who had been sitting by the bed, wearing a pretty, light yellow summer dress and sporting an enigmatic, polite smile. It had been more than one year since he had last seen her, but she smelled and looked exactly the same.

"Rin," he said the name, adjusting the glasses a little.

"Welcome back, Oniisama," Itoshiki Rin told her brother, cocking her smiling head slightly aside. "I'm so glad to see you again." 

* * *

**To be Continued?**

* * *

* From either version of _The Keys of the Kingdom_.

** From _Twenty Five Other Times Negi Made a Pactio_.


	5. Takane D Goodman

"Everyone, thank you for waiting!" Asakura Kazumi said happily through her microphone, somehow managing to easily walk back onto the middle of the open arena despite the extreme tightness of her extremely short minidress, which, Chisame thought, should have made it all but impossible for the reporter to move around that freely. Once again, the crowd went wild cheering for her, and Asakura had to briefly reconsider her calling in life; research work was awesome, but actually getting admiration from the masses, face to face, was such a rush! Eh, maybe she would take the middle road and become a TV anchorwoman. Best of both worlds, right? "Now the planks have been replaced, we will move on to our sixth match!"

Now sitting with Haruna, Rito, Lala, Nodoka and Yue, Saotome Ranma-chan grinned and pumped a fist, growing excited already. "Alright! This thing's getting really interesting now! Let's see what these guys have to offer..."

"Even if you don't look it, act your age, Daddy," Haruna groaned, as if she was a model of maturity herself. "I know this girl, she's not much of a fighter, so don't get too thrilled yet. And the guy can't be that good either if we haven't ever heard of him!"

"Wouldn't that have applied to Colonel-san too?" Yue wondered, quietly sipping from her carton of Cambodian Pomegranate Juice. "And we know how that match turned out..."

Asakura gestured towards the first contestant to step onto the squared circle, a gigantic mountain of a man, with the square jawed features of a professional legbreaker and the impressive physique of an Austrian bodybuilder, his spiky blonde hair neatly combed and gelled back. His eyes hidden behind fashionable sunglasses, and his body clad in the black leathers of a biker. He walked with slow and measured steps, each stride calculated and powerful, his stony expression oblivious to the furor of the audience.

"From the Mahora University Engineering Club, a man of mystery!" Asakura announced him. "He asked us not to reveal his full name, so we will only call him... _Tanaka!_ A veritable machine of destruction, an unstoppable engine of bonecrunching action, Tanaka-san breezed through the preliminaries with the greatest of ease, and none were spared in his wake! He terminated all of his opponents in flawless victories, and you could say he only missed on stealing their clothes after he was done!"

"Okay, we get it, he's a big fan of Terminator, thank you, Asakura," Chisame grumbled from where she sat with Negi, Satomi, Sora and Tsunetsuki. She looked at Hakase. "Are you sure you don't remember this guy? Come on, we all know you're bad with names _and_ faces!"

Satomi shook her head stubbornly. "I told you already, none of the men in our divisions are physically built like that! I don't mean to enforce negative stereotypes, Chisame, but when has anyone seen a robotics or engineering technician with the anatomy of a peak Olympic athlete?"

 _Somewhere in Metropolis, Shaquille O'Neal-looking Docter John Henry Irons sneezed._

"If engineers in cryogenic technology count, I could mention at least one," said a man's voice from right behind them, and they turned back to see a big smiling man in shades, a tropical shirt and shorts, idly striking a match up for some reason, and sitting by a younger man with blond hair and a cute brunette reading a book, apparently not very interested in the fight. "How do you do," the older man spoke in slightly American accented Japanese, "I'm Patrick Malone from Gotham, a simple smalltime respectable businessman on a trip with my nephew and niece. You can call me 'Matches' if you want. Say hi, Alvin, Amy..."

"Hi," the brunette said, nose still buried into the book indifferently, as the young man simply waved and smiled in a friendly way.

Slowly, dawning understanding spread along the expression of Matoi. _"Ohhhh..."_ she said. "So you were here!"

"Yes, always," Mr. Malone said.

"Oh! Hey there, Mr. Bats, nice to see you again!" called out a short, busty girl with short brown hair a few seats away, in between avid chomps of a hot dog. "I haven't introduced you to my new galpal Ryuko-chan, have I?!"

Mr. Malone clenched his teeth as this girl pulled on the arm of another, taller young lady with black hair save for a single red streak, who was otherwise too busy searching for someone through the crowd with her gaze. "I'm sure you must have mistaken me with someone else, Miss..."

* * *

 _Negima!_ created and owned by Akamatsu and Kodansha.

 _Kill La Kill_ created and owned by Studio Trigger.

 _Batman_ created by Bob Kane and Bill Finger, owned by DC Comics, a division of Warner Entertainment.

 _Ranma 1/2_ created and owned by Takahashi and Kodansha.

* * *

Edits and Proofreading by Shadow Crystal Mage.

* * *

 **You Broke my Heart with Fanservice.**

* * *

 **Demon with a Stripping Hand.**

* * *

Tanaka's adversary was arriving at the arena now with the confident stride of a queen, her chin held up high with a firm smile on her pink lips. Men whistled and cheered after her, with several quietly bemoaning the 'no cameras' rule with accentuated bitterness. She stopped before her intended adversary, with Kazumi standing mid-way between them, and directed a harsher smirk towards him, her blue eyes glinting defiantly.

"Aaaaand from the Saint Ursula Division of Mahora," Kazumi said, "the self-titled Apostle of Justice! One of our most feared enforcers of law and order, she is the scourge of delinquents, truants and perverts everywhere! For us, she needs no introduction, but for the rest of you fellows, learn to love and respeeeeect Takane D. Goodman!"

In their private balconies overlooking the arena, the Elite Four of Honnouji, Gamagoori, Sanageyama, Jakuzure and Inumuta, simply traded silent, fittingly snarky and condescending glances on the subject of this flashy, pathetic Mahora underling who dared call herself an enforcer of order. Even Inumuta might have been smiling at the stupid idea then. It was hard to say, the way his collar was zipped all the way up even now under this scorching sun that made him sweat like a pig, but at least his eyes seemed to smirk in a properly sharp and aloof fashion. As for Kiryuuin, she was too busy glaring down at Matoi Ryuko now, since their gazes had finally met and they now could stare vile poison at each other to their hearts' frustrated sort-of-contentment.

Takane raised a hand to answer those cheering for her. "Thank you, fellow believers in the unity of Mahora!" she shouted, as Asakura edged the microphone close to her face. "And welcome one and all, brothers and sisters from our sibling schools! Today is a day of great joy and celebration for all of us," she paused, "and in an occasion as relevant as this, I have made my mind up! For there is something very important I must share with us before this combat starts!"

Negi grew slightly concerned. "What does she have in mind now...?"

"Through these last few matches, you have witnessed many extraordinary feats several among you have tried to explain as products of magic!" Takane grandly said, putting a hand to her chest with dramatic gusto. "But I feel I must dispel this ridiculous notion, as ours is a place of enlightenment, not of superstition! Listen not to those who would try to fool you with outlandish ideas of magic and sorcery, for we are all educated people, the best Japan's academic system has to offer, and know magic is just a fabrication of myth, legend and Hollywood!"

"Oh, I see. Well played so far, Takane-san..." Negi quietly approved.

"This idiot will find a way to botch it up, trust me," Chisame crudely predicted.

"And so, to broaden your spirits and steer them away from these webs of lies, I have decided to be open and courageous about what I am!" Takane continued, throwing her arms open. Even Ayaka was finding her over the top now. "Keep this in mind when you witness what I am going to do while winning my way through this tournament! I am doing this for all my sisters and brothers with this special condition of mine! We don't need to be ashamed of what we are! We should be proud of it instead! Yes, I am a-"

"We all already know you're a lesbian...!" someone shouted from some point or another of the crowd.

Takane's face grew crimson as she stuttered and gasped, beginning to look in all directions wildly. Kazumi giggled to herself and Tanaka kept on being inexpressive. "W-W-Who in the world said that?! Of course, of course I'm not homosexual, not that there's anything wrong with that! My relationship with roommate and dear friend Mei-chan is merely that of pure and platonic sisters in arms...!"

"I saw you two kissing once!" someone else accused from some other spot in the audience.

"She had something in her eye!" Takane protested.

"You're always holding hands when you think nobody's looking!" a third person cried out, as Mei buried her face in her hands in shame, and Chizuru and Natsumi quietly patted her back sympathetically.

"All girls do that all the time!" Takane said.

"You've been seen streaking through the campus together more than once...!" yet another stranger threw their lot in.

"Lies, lies, _vile lies...!"_ Takane screeched, stomping a booted foot down over and over. "What I meant to announce is, I'm actually... _a superpowered mutant!"_

The crowd's conflicting voices of recrimination and support struggling against each other all fell silent suddenly.

From his seat, Professor Akashi facepalmed miserably. "Seriously, Takane-kun?" he groaned to himself. "This was your grand plan to stop the rumors?"

Negi himself had to wince. "Uh-oh... Somehow, I don't think that was too wise..."

Chisame took both hands to her scalp. "I knew it, I knew it! Thanks to that idiot, we're all going to be terminated by giant robots, perhaps from the future, now!"

"She's just lucky this isn't happening in America," observed the 'blond' boy sitting with Mr. Malone, "or they'd have stoned her to death already. Using giant robots too. "

Not too far from there, a suddenly frantic Shirai Kuroko latched onto Misaka Mikoto, crying her heart out as she fiercely hugged her. "Wah! _Oneee-samaaaaa!_ This is bad, if they learn I'm like her, then they'll think I'm some sort of weirdo creepy lesbian like her too, what am I going to do then, _Oneee-samaaaaa!?"_

"You could start by jumping into the water and drowning!" Mikoto growled, angrily punching her aside. "And shout it louder, will you?! We're just lucky everybody's too baffled right now, or else-!"

Now that finally seemed to earn a reaction from Tanaka, who looked their way with a faint air of curiosity. "Terminated?" he half-mused to himself.

"Anyway!" Takane's arm swept around to point directly at Negi's seat in the front rows, making the boy squirm and shrink down in place even before she began shouting at him. "Negi Springfield! I know we will be facing each other next round, so pay close attention! For you are about to know the true extent of the power that will crush you! I will prove your sheer genius isn't enough for your success as long as you indulge yourself like this, in the company of your lessers!"

"Blah blah blah!" Matoi told her. "Keep on talking, hopefully you'll have exhausted yourself by the time your fight actually starts!"

"This is a rather poor attempt to publicly assert your alleged heterosexuality after the audience has stated we all know about your inclinations, Sempai," Satomi lectured her. "Take my advice, it's much better to simply be comfortable with that you are. And being into girls is not bad at all!"

"I'm not into girls dammit, I'm just a mutant!" Takane insisted. She spun back towards Tanaka. "As for you, big fool, you aren't even a slight bump in my way! Asakura-san, start the match already so we can get this mere formality out of the way!"

"Gladly," said Kazumi between clenched teeth, since she wasn't exactly fond of the sound of Takane's voice either. "Now... get ready to rumble! And best of luck, Tanaka-san, from this most objective referee!"

There was a loud bang of bong all over the arena, and immediately, a small Chinese accented voice whispered into, or rather from inside, Tanaka's ear. "Start strong, Max Power," it said.

 _"Understood,"_ he said, thrusting a hand forward and then sending a massive blast of white light from the palm, shooting directly towards Takane.

"Eeeeeee!" the blonde said, jumping over the blast in a way that flipped her skirt up and flashed her black panties off, causing Kimura Kaere to simply groan and shake her head. Takane easily spun in the air to land back on her feet, but the look on her face now was noticeably less confident than it had been, moments ago. _What speed!_ she thought. _I could barely see that coming...!_

Where she stood with Chachamaru, Banpei, Makie, Yuuna, Keiichi and Ako, Skuld folded her arms smugly and chuckled. "Fu fu fu! Tanaka is actually named T-Ank Mach One Unit, a high performance anti battalion android! Chao and I combined our unique talents for his creation, so that inferior mage is obviously no match for him! Now she'll finally pay the price for her hubris... again!" She then engaged into some healthy and not prideful at all Mad Scientist Laughter. "Mwa ha ha ha ha!"

"... so he's my little brother," Chachamaru said, sounding slightly worried. "Mother, how could you... Having another child with another woman behind Mother's back..."

Banpei tilted his head up at her and made a short series of curious beeping noises.

"Well, yes, I know," Chachamaru admitted. "But the situation with Shiina-san is different. This is not about mere romantic bonding, this is about creating life together..."

Banpei emitted another quick chain of puzzled sounds.

Chachamaru nodded. "I guess we are also siblings of sorts now, as well." She smiled and gently patted his head. "Otouto."

Banpei fidgeted around very nervously, as Makie cooed and whipped out her cellphone, taking pics of the heartwarming scene.

Keiichi glared quietly at her.

Makie pouted. "What? What's the pointing of joining Team Chao-chan if I can't bend her rules a little?"

The section of the arena floor where Tanaka's beam finally landed after missing exploded into sharp chunks everywhere, but the barriers, once again, protected everyone in the public, which made the damage no less impressive, and drew as many gasps and interjections as last time. Takane steeled herself, summoning shadow tendrils all around herself. "Th-That was genuinely impressive, ruffian, but won't quite suffice to match my awesome mag- mutant powers!"

"Lock On," Tanaka said, aiming both fists at her... and then shooting them at her, like twin speeding rockets. Each flew in a different angle towards her, forcing her to yell as she ran in a desperate zig-zag partner to avoide them as best as possible, both metal hands still in hot pursuit of her across the ring.

"Who are you anyway, Terminator or AstroBoy?!" Takane screamed in disbelief.

"Our little brother is rather violent, isn't he," Chachamaru asked Banpei, who could only nod. "He needs to be taught manners concerning ladies..."

"Onee-sama!" Mei wailed.

Natsumi blinked. "Aren't projectile weapons banned? Why isn't he disqualified yet?!"

"Ara ara, Natsumi-chan, please remember Chao-san's wording correctly!" Chizuru asked. "She said shooting projectiles from weapons was forbidden! Tanaka-san, on the other hand, has shot them only from his own body, so that's perfectly within the letter of the rules!"

"But that's clearly some sort of robot!" Natsumi argued. "ALL OF HIM is a weapon!"

"Don't be that way, Natsumi-chan, I'm sure Tanaka-san isn't just a weapon, but a creature with his own dreams and goals, perhaps of Hollywood success... why would he style himself after Arnold Schwarzenegger, otherwise?"

"All I know is," Haruhi said, "that I want that guy for our sequel to 'Asahina Mikuru's Adventure'! I know real talent and firepower when I see them!"

Kyon groaned. Luckily Suzumiya had bought that whole story about the mutants, he considered, or else...

Although who knew, maybe Goodman-san _was_ a mutant after all? Well, whatever, those didn't seem to trigger Haruhi's autism anyway, since she thought of them as common, boring genetic aberrations, so it was hardly worth bothering Koizumi, Asahina-san or Nagato and getting no clear answers...

Which was exactly how Koizumi, Asahina-san and Nagato wanted it.

* * *

A couple blocks away, Inugami Kotaro looked towards the arena, paying special attention to the cries of one Sakura Mei.

"Ahhh! Onee-sama, be careful...!"

Other cries and shouts were less dramatic and more festive or sarcastic.

"Look, they're coming back to him!"

"And he's shooting them again!"

"I wonder if he can shoot other parts too?!"

"Maybe, but if he performs indecency he loses by default, right?!"

"Hey, no rule against it! Although I suppose it might count as a weapon…"

"Stand still, damn you!" Takane was shrieking furiously. "You shouldn't be so bulky and move that fast at once, that makes no sense...!"

The young man scratched his nose. "Bah... Looks like I'm missing out on a real fight after all, who woulda thought it? Hey, nee-chans, what if I go ahead, and you-"

"Oh, so it's started already? My bad, I was looking into something the Headmaster assigned me just now," Takahata-sensei announced his presence by casually greeting the group of youngsters just leaving the medical wing with Ku Fei. "Good afternoon, Ku, Asuna-kun, Konoka-chan, Setsuna-kun, Inugami-kun, Abiru-kun and Harumi-kun!" he waved friendly at them. "Good to see your injuries weren't serious either, Ku!"

The Chinese girl grinned, holding her arm in a cast proudly. "Yep! This only fleeting war wound, but no big! Soon I up for rematch with you, Sensei, I teach you trick I learned during fight!"

"Oh, that'd be nice, but I'm not sure I'll be left in any condition to fight anymore after Negi-kun's done with me!" the teacher laughed the offer off good naturedly. "If I can beat him, however, I'm sure I'll be able to challenge his honorable Master again!"

"D-Don't say that, Takahata-sensei!" Asuna gasped. "I'm sure you'll paste him down!"

Takahata looked at her with one of those faint, slightly detached smiles."Hm? That's quite a thing for you to say, Asuna-kun. Shouldn't you be rooting for him?"

Asuna wagged a finger. "I've looked over his training, and he's still nothing compared to you, Takahata-sensei! I'm sure you'll win easily!"

"Well, all the more reason for you to root for him and not me," the well dressed man told her. He was not wearing his tie, but otherwise his suit was the same as ever, despite the sweltering heat. "Right now, he could use all the support you could give him as his friends."

"These three are the only friends of his out of all of us, tho'," Kotaro pointed a thumb at Ku Fei, Konoka and Setsuna. "Look, I don't care much if you or Negi win your fight, but... if you win, I'm sure we'll fight each other along the way, but even if you don't, I'd be glad to fight you anyway. It'd be a honor to go up against the legendary Death Glasses!"

"Death... what?" Abiru blinked very slowly her only exposed eye. In the background, a few passersby were looking at her and wondering in whispers if she was another casualty of the tournament.

"I'm sorry," Takahata declined politely, "but this is an exceptional case. I'm fighting Negi-kun now because the rules say I have to, but otherwise, I never fight for sport, much less anyone who is under fifteen."

"You fight I all the time!" Ku reminded him.

Takahata shrugged. "I don't see that as sport, I'm only helping you hone your technique. On the other hand, what I have heard about Inugami-kun is he perhaps takes these things too personally, and I wouldn't want to-"

Then, much to Harumi and Abiru's surprise, something seemed to explode in the air a short space before Takahata's placidly smiling face, even as Kotaro's right arm stopped being a blur of a black sleeve, and his hand returned to the pocket it'd been stuck into a second ago. "What, what was that?!" Harumi finally demanded, staring down at their child roommate.

"CGI," Takamichi and Kotaro both said evenly.

Asuna frowned, then slapped the back of Kotaro's head rather harshly. "Show some respect, you... brat!"

The boy barely winced, still sporting a feral smirk at his elder. "That was a neat trick, old man! I'm even more pumped up for this now!"

"Ah ha ha, you're hot blooded indeed," Takahata chuckled, even as the dust from the pulverized stone just thrown at him slowly floated down, only himself, Kotaro, Setsuna and perhaps Asuna or Ku being able to realize it. "But a friend like you could do the serious Negi-kun some good, and he in turn could restrain you a bit. It worked for the circle of friends from my own youth, after all."

"Please don't talk as if you were old, Sensei!" Asuna gasped.

"Besides, there's no reason to leave that restraining to Negi-sensei," Harumi added, reaching over to pull on one of Kotaro's ears. "That's up to us, as his caretakers! I promise we'll tighten the screws on him from now on!"

"That didn't sound quite right, Sempai!" Konoka told her with a deceptively innocent wide smile. "Quite a Paru thing to say...!"

"Let's discuss that again when you aren't standing next to a kendo bodyguard, okay?" Harumi quietly stared at her.

"That," Setsuna stated very firmly, "will never happen. Now let us not delay Takahata-sensei anymore. His is the next match after this, please do remember that."

"Yahoo!" Asuna pumped a fist up as they began moving towards the ring, Kotaro grinning from ear to ear in anticipation as they did so. "It's Takahata-sensei's time to shine...!"

"Asuna-kun, what did I just tell you?" Takahata himself gently reminded her.

"He's got more than enough support from the others, and I'm not going to be a hypocrite, that'd be insulting you _and_ him!" she argued.

"That... I can't really argue with the logic of that, Asuna-san..." Setsuna mouthed out, clearly impressed by her sincerity to some degree.

* * *

It had grown into a battle of attrition now. Tanaka would keep on alternating between his rocket fists and his handpalm (definitely not repulsor, that was trademarked Stark technology!) blasts, changing back and forth between them at random to better catch Takane off guard. Takane, for her part, could not cast spoken spells without breaking the rules, so she had to fall back on her shadow tendrils, which had a longer reach than Tanaka's shooting but also were slower and hit less strongly. So far, every time she had hit him, she had only thrown him slightly off-balance.

"Take that! And that!" she hopped around as best as she could, from one side to another, dodging his attacks while lashing out at him, rarely landing a direct hit. More or more of the platform was being blown into bits by Tanaka, leaving her with fewer and fewer spots to land on a given jump. "Vile ruffian, you won't prevail...!"

"Takane is where we want her. Finish her now," the voice in Tanaka's ear said.

"Roger," he droned, opening his mouth wide, a tiny metallic lens-like emitter coming out of his throat and peeking out between his shining white teeth.

"Uwa?" Takane asked, being close enough as to see this... and then Tanaka shot a gigantic beam from said miniature cannon, engulfing such a wide straight path the blonde just could not move aside far enough in time. She was soon lost to sight in the middle of a huge explosion that impressed everyone who witnessed it but the arrogantly smirking Skuld. "AAAAAIIIEEEEE!"

"O-O-ONEE-SAMAAAA!" Mei wailed, reaching out with an arm just as Natsumi tried her best to hold her from behind. "I'll avenge your termination...!"

"She was expendable. Hasta la vista, baby," Tanaka said, standing before the large clouds of smoke and dust rising from the wrecked arena. "This was the End of Days for you, and I'm the Last Action Hero standing. You know what killed the dinosaurs? The rise of the machines..."

In Chao's command center, Asuka sneered. "What an asshole. Who does he think he is, Hercules? Honestly, Chao, you could bring about Judgment Day if these robots of yours ever multiply. Why, all the Collateral Damage you've just caused with this Red Heat of his..."

"Calm down, Asuka-chan, I haven't created or programmed the Tanakas to be Predators of the human race," Chao smiled from her comfy chair. "Or the mutant race either, for that matter, that's just racist. They're just meant to be my Commando pawns, but in this operation, the bulk of the weight will be left to us humans. And yes, any undeclared mutants, not that there's anyhting wrong with that. Well, to us and Chachamaru, but unlike them, she's special, ne? Together, we will mark the Genysis, I mean, Genesis, of a new glorious era, ke ke ke!"

"I only hope you aren't feeding us a lot of True Lies," Asuka murmured bitterly.

Standing further behind them, Touji, Hikari and Kensuke simply stared at each other, perplexed, before sharing a helpless shrug of shoulders.

Back at the arena, the audience was roaring in understandable outrage...

"Schwarzenegger never did that in any movie!"

"Of course not! What a crock!"

"Idiot, if you're sticking to a character play him properly!"

Negi angrily stood up, turned around to face those sitting behind him and the Malone trio, and furiously gestured towards the platform. "That was a senseless waste of a young, promising human life! Aren't you the least upset about THAT?!"

They, to their credit, quickly fell into a collective ashamed silence after that, placing their hands on their hearts and lowering their heads, except for a boy who blinked and tentatively asked, "... human? Didn't she say she was a mutie?"

"GRRR!" Negi gurgled madly right before Satomi, Chisame and Matoi hurried over to grab him from behind, holding him in place as best as they could.

Asakura was sniffling into a tissue. "What a sorry day, fellows, after such a bright, heroic start! It would seem, against his own will, contestant Tanaka overdid his monstrous strength and power and- No! But, behold!" she pointed at the dissipating smoke, where a proud figure stood straight and strong yet. "It's a miracle beyond the understanding of science and genetics! Contestant Takane D. Goodman is still alive!"

'Alvin' nodded. "Yup, definitely a mutant, the X-Men don' die when they're killed either."

Skuld chuckled. "Ufufufu, all according to keikaku!" (Keikaku means plan). "Tanaka-san's blasts can't damage organic matter! Naturally, it's not in our best interests to destroy human lives during this contest!"

"Oh," Keiichi monotoned. "It's so good to know my goddess Magistra isn't a merciless murderer of lesser human beings after all."

"I know, am I not a sweet angel of mercy?" Skuld's small chest puffed up with pride. "Ah, the things I make for mankind, Belldandy will be so proud of me...!"

Takane stepped out of the smoke, wiping a trickle of blood from her gums, but otherwise untouched... well, herself anyway. Everyone in the audience could now see every bit of clothing she had left under the collar had been completely blown off her body, but even now, she could not feel it, the heat of Tanaka's cannon blast still keeping her too warmed up. In more than one sense even. She pointed at him and announced, "This Apostle of Justice will not go easy on you anymore! If that was your trump card, it did nothing, you fool! Everything is nothing but downhill from you now, while I've only started fighting!"

"Onee-sama!" Mei cried.

"Yes, Mei, I'm perfectly fine!" Takane smiled. "This moron's cheap tricks have not even grazed me! Why, I feel even better now! So light, it's like I'm a feather...!"

"Onee-sama, please look down...!" Mei bawled.

"Down? Why- ahhhhhhhh..." Takane said as she did as told.

Negi's eyes were bugging out.

Chisame only sighed and shook her head. "I just knew it..."

Very quietly, Keiichi took the only functional camera in the grounds out of Makie's hands and began taking pictures with it.

"Heaven should suppress your libido," Skuld commented in disgust.

"This was your idea, I'm merely recording the aftermath of your actions," Keiichi said, not stopping.

"RRRR-" Takane gurgled, her eyes becoming crimson swirls as she stepped ahead, her right arm being wrapped all around with spinning black matter, until it achieved the mass and bulk of a sharp, oversized gauntlet. "- RARRRRRRRRRHRRR!"

And she dashed forward and punched the android high into the sky, until he became a tiny sparkling twinkle above not only the academy, but the city's aerial space. As she did so, she shouted, with brightly red cheeks and tears in her eyes, "YOU DAMN BLOCKHEAD!-!-!"

In the small group of people who had taken care of her after her dismissal from the Konoes, Sakurazaki Setsuna joined the Hinata Inn contingent just in time to hear an awed Urashima Naru quietly commented to her husband, "Wow, did you see that, Keitaro? What a technique! What a precision! Mei-chan's sempai is truly worthy marrying into the family after all...!"

"I felt it myself, right here," a sniffling Keitaro said, a fist on his heart. "And here, and here and here and here, and... Oh, hi there, Setsuna-chan!" he stopped placing his hand on different old wounds of his when he noticed Setsuna's arrival. "How's Ku-san doing? Well, I hope?"

By then, the tiny speck that was Tanaka was growing larger again as he underwent atmospherical re-entry, burning through the air in freefall with a sharp cry of "I'll be back...!" before just landing, headfirst, into the water pools surrounding the arena, where he sank like a rock. His hand was the last part of him to sink beneath the water as it gave a thumbs up to acknowledge his defeat.

Asakura rushed to the edge of the platform and quickly shouted a countdown. "Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, aaaaaand zero, he's done!" she jubilantly cheered, rushing back to grab Takane's arm and lift it high, much to the blonde's consternation since she'd been trying to cover her bare crotch with her hand. "Takane D. Goodman-sempai is this match's winner, and as such advances towards the next round! What an Amazon, ladies and gentlemen! She makes me proud of being her Mahora sister...!"

 _"... Y-Y-You're no sister of mine...!"_ Takane cried, shaking her hand off and then running off and away, leaping out the platform, across the pool, and into the dressing rooms. "NOW I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO MARRY...!"

Mei let out a highly helpless hiccup. "Onee-sama!"

"See? I knew it! Mutie!" said the boy behind Negi, sounding smugly vindicated as the kid teacher, Mr. Malone, and the American's two young companions simply facepalmed in silence.

"Actually, hasn't she just killed him?" a girl asked, dubiously. "She's like disqualified or something, right?"

Chachamaru stood up, gesturing for Banpei to follow her. "Come with me, please, Otouto. We must fish our little brother out..."

Banpei nodded diligently and went along with her, as Skuld smiled her satisfaction. "Isn't that just cute? My association with Chao has worked out even better than expected...! Aren't our children just the best?"

Keiichi and Makie stared at her jealously, then wordlessly bumped fists together quietly behind her back. For some reason, in Chao's command center, she felt a fleeting icy chill running down her spine.

"And now, the tournament grounds are in a huge state of arousal for more than one reason!" Asakura ejaculated through her microphone and the massive speakers. "But it only gets better for the next match, folks! Because it's the clash of Mahora's two favorites! The old guard versus the new blood! Our two white knights, Professor Takahata and Negi Springfield-sensei! Yes, the child teacher everyone's been keeping an eye on will finally make his public fighting debut!"

Negi blinked, pointing a hand at his own chest. "Me? Oh, no, no way everyone is looking at me like that, no, I'm just yet another fighter...!"

Then he noticed that no, indeed, **everyone** was looking at him now.

Negi shuddered to himself. "Blast my charisma," he quietly said, lowering his gaze.

* * *

 **To be Continued.**


	6. Tatsumiya Mana

**You Broke my Heart with Fanservice Special.**

* * *

A Man to Mana Conversation.

* * *

Proofereading and edits from bro Shadow Crystal Mage.

* * *

Tatsumiya Mana was, quite frankly, bored out of her mind.

Every year, she would be tasked with keeping couples apart during Mahorafest, a job that suited her very well in Shiho's opinion. To be more exact, she only had to keep couples from confessing in the vicinity of the World Tree (those actively having sex were someone else's problem). Otherwise, the overflowing excess energy from the Tree during the Festival days would work far too efficiently, and, well, nobody really wanted this. To prevent this from happening, Mana would gladly use every dirty trick in the sniper's handbooks to her avail, always managing a flawless success rate, except for that one unfortunate incident involving Itou Makoto. But no man, woman, or half-demon is ever perfect, and Konoe Konoemon understood this adequately. And the idiot had deserved it anyway.

This year, however, a Holy Grail War was taking place, and that changed things greatly. Supporting the displaced Grail and several Servants it had summoned at once, including a duck, an unstoppable engine of Loki-powered destruction, and King Arthur, often with lacking Masters to supply them with their own prana properly, the Mahora leylines spreading around the Tree were strained enough at the moment there was no real risk of the love confessions backfiring on unsuspecting youngsters for once. A silver lining to every cloud, and all that. So Headmaster Konoe, always benevolent, had granted Mana several free hours that afternoon, to do whatever she pleased. So had Chao, for that matter, claiming she would have no real need for her services until the Tournament started.

Right now, Mana felt like murderously hating them both.

For a true soldier of fortune, (unpaid) idle rest is a curse. Sitting by a fountain fanning herself with a _Guns & Ammo Weekly_ magazine, in short shorts, sandals and a chest hugging black top, Mana was alone and miserable, and not in the cool, mysterious and aloof way she liked it either. No, she was just flat out bored and stressed by inactivity, her dark aura flaring around her and keeping passersby away from her. Even the most lecherous boys walking by would immediately get the unspoken hint and carefully step around her, giving her as much of a safe distance berth as possible. Fortunately for them.

That was, of course, until Negi Springfield approached her.

"Good afternoon, Tatsumiya-san," he greeted her, polite as ever. He was all by himself, with no Chisame or Kotaro or even the ermine by his side, and that immediately made Mana suspicious. "Um, sorry to disturb you, but have you seen anything out of the ordinary today?"

"Good afternoon, Sensei," she answered mechanically. "You are disturbing nothing, since as you can see I am not partaking in anything in particular right now. As for your question, I have seen a man running around on fire, broke up a fight between Alien and Predator cosplayers, had to confiscate counterfeit One Star Gokou uniforms from Honnouji students and deliver them to Kiryuuin Satsuki, and rescued a little girl from an out of control exhibition match tank, but all of that is well within the ordinary as far as Mahora festivals goes."

"I see..." Negi nodded slowly, then leaned closer and whispered, "No sightings of Orphans, Hollows, or, you know... Servants?"

"They should all mobilize only during nights, unless you are willing to count Saber-san, so why should I have seen any? What have you unleashed this time, Sensei?"

"M-Me? Nothing!" he gulped, pulling back. "I was only asking, just in case, you know!"

She stared bluntly at him, making an icy shiver run up his spine. Finally, she made a small, harsh smile. "So that is it. Then you don't have any crises to handle, just for once?" When he shook his head innocently, she pressed on, "Are you absolutely sure there are no monster uprisings, new suitors for your hand, interdimensional incursions, or new clues on your father you wish to mention to me?"

Negi shook his head more stiffly this time. "Noo-ooo..."

She stood up, cocking a fist on her hip. "Then let's walk around together for a while, shall we? After all, you hardly ever spend any time with me. And I'm your student as well, you know..."

"A-Ah? W-Well, Tatsumiya-san, I'd be honored, really! But you see, the thing is, I promised Chisame I would-"

"Oh? Is this an illegal date between teacher and student?" Mana smiled. "Or is it a more serious subject the skills of a gunslinger could be of any help with?"

"N-Neither!" Negi grimaced, not wanting to involve her and risk further interference from the academic staff as a likely consequence. "I, I took the liberty of enrolling Chisame in the cosplay contest, that's all..."

"Why would she of all people be into that?" Mana asked, for once sounding genuinely confused.

Negi shook his hands before himself. "No real reason, of course! You're right, I was a fool and thought it might help her with her self-image issues, nothing else!"

"Isn't that tomorrow in any case?" Mana asked again.

"Y-Yes, it is, but...!"

"Are you going to hole yourselves up already to work on a costume? If you ask me, it's too late to start doing it properly, but also too early for a last minute desperation job..."

"Noo-oooo," he drawled out uncomfortably, "but, still, as you can see, it's not a matter of, or, um, but..." He finally relented with a sigh. "Fine. I don't really have any excuses." _That I can tell you about,_ he mentally amended. "I guess I'm just unsure of how to treat our, hm, friendship by this point, Tatsumiya-san." Here he stopped, looking really worried. "Sorry, I could say we _are_ indeed friends by now, or am I wrong? If you don't wish me to, I'll understand..."

Mana nodded. "I don't really have many friends," she admitted, "but yes, I count you among the five of them."

Negi blinked. "Do you?" he blushed slightly. "Oh my, that's a honor, I mean, making it among only five, even if perhaps a girl your age should have more, not that I should tell you, as a true friend, what to do, it's just a subjective advice, but... Might I ask who are the other four?"

"You are a good friend," she told him, "but not good enough as to have that kind of clearance yet."

"Ah. Sorry!" he swallowed. "Then I wouldn't want to intrude myself upon your spare time..."

"I'll take any excuse I can find to get away from my spare time, so don't feel concerned about that," she said, grabbing him by a hand and pulling him along towards the crowds. "Think of it as a simple extra patrol together, if that makes you feel any better..."

It didn't, really. But then again, it was not like it was bad feeling holding her hand in his, either...

* * *

Negi had no idea whether this was Mana's idea of a date or not. Most probably not, since she'd been quick to call him out on the prospect of a date with Chisame. Besides, she wasn't a romantic, and flirting, even for fun and nothing else, didn't seem to have any place in her practical worldview. Those thoughts kept him relaxed enough to focus as they sparred together after a few minutes of touring the grounds that had soon bored them both.

They had luckily found this large and relatively lonely lot behind a mechanics expo stand, the gearheads present being too busy to interest themselves watching a fight. To each their own. Only a select three people were watching them from the sidelines. Those included a frowning Matsubara Kaoru, one of the three commentator girls from the dodgeball game months ago. There also was a huge and musclebound tanned young woman, taller than most men Negi had ever met, with long white hair and a rather manly, serious face. And finally, in a stark contrast to one girl's childlike appearance and the other's rough, stoic expression, there stood a highly attractive blonde woman in her late twenties or very early thirties, her hair cropped short, and smoking a cigarette in amused contemplation.

"Once again, your audience is comprised of nothing but ladies, Sensei," Mana smiled teasingly, throwing a punch at him, which he blocked by crossing both arms. "You're even wooing those from Honnouji now..."

"Maybe they're here for you instead," Negi observed, unleashing a rapid barrage of successive flying kicks at her, greatly impressing Kaoru if her widening mouth was any sign to go by. Mana flipped under most of them acrobatically, then tossed a leg up to kick the last one, breaking his attempted combo. "Hadn't you thought of that?"

"I'm not the type to encourage fans," replied his student, charging him and grabbing him in a headlock, only to have him slipping away from her hold using his small size to his advantage. He kicked at her leg next, and she rolled back with it, grinning. "If I had my guns, I'd already have won, and you know it."

"You won't have them tonight either, so you'd better get used already," Negi advised, blocking her next fist swing, less successfully this time as it passed through his defense and hit his nose. "Good one, but I'm not bleeding yet!"

"I'm holding back," she honestly said, throwing a roundhose kick he had to duck under.

"I can tell," he nodded, chaining a sequence of upward punches she countered with downward blows of her own, each clash causing a miniature sonic boom. Kaoru was eagerly texting someone through her cellphone now, as the muscular schoolgirl her senior simply hummed thoughtfully at the sound of each explosion."So I assume you'll be in the contest, anyway?"

"The prize is too high to let it pass," Mana said, almost dancing with him now as they fell into a exchange of kicks and knee blows from one side to another, something he actually preferred since he was in a disadvantage when it came to arm reach lenght. "You?"

He clucked his tongue, trying a leg sweep. "Kotaro convinced me to. He'll cry if I don't join him, so..."

Mana chuckled. "I think you underestimate his emotional strength. He may act like a petty brat, but no one goes through a childhood like that without becoming something... experienced."

Negi paused, and then both stopped altogether, breathing heavily at each other. "Not necessarily a better person, but... still experienced from a survival viewpoint," Mana made clear.

"Tatsumiya-san..." Negi said.

She flicked some of her hair back with two casual fingers. "You, I, and Inugami-kun are basically the same. Keep that well in mind, always, whether we stand as your allies or your foes," she advised him, then moved back to step away. "You'd better go back with Chisame now, before she feels uncared for, Sensei. This was fun. Let's do it again, sometime."

He nodded silently and waved at her while she turned around and left, disappearing back into the crowd mingling two blocks away, but not without giving the blonde adult a quick, sharp warning glance on her way. The woman just chuckled at that, dusting her hands off on her hips. "Where does she know me from?" she wondered aloud. "I'm sure we've never met before..."

As Kaoru and the massive musclegirl disappeared discreetly into opposite directions as well, both careful not to look at each other or Negi, this woman took a completely different approach and walked up to the boy, throwing her spent cigarette away. "That was a fine display of martial arts, even if I'm no expert myself. I'm impressed, the fame of Mahora's child teacher has spread deservedly after all."

Negi bowed. "I'm not that sure of deserving the honor, but thank you regardless, Miss..."

"Kitami Reika," she said, extending a hand for Negi to chivalrously kiss, which he did quickly. "Chief of Medical Services of Honnouji Academy, at your service. I studied here in Mahora, actually, around a decade ago..."

He blinked. "Oh! W-Welcome back, then! It's a pleasure. I could show you the place around if you would like, so you could see how much it has-"

"I'm afraid I'll have to decline on that gracious offer, thanks," she apologized. "You do have an appointment with some girl named Chisame, don't you?" she smiled. "I think I heard the young lady saying something about that, and well, there's nothing I hate more than getting in the way of true young love..."

"It, it isn't that!" he stuttered. His weak points were so painfully obvious. "She's my student, but if you would like-"

"Another time, perhaps," she turned around and began walking away, her hips swaying slow and sensually with each step. "Until then, take care of yourself, Sensei. I'll be rooting for you in that tournament."

Soon she was gone, too, and Negi was left alone with an uncomfortable sensation in his gut.

Then he turned around and rushed into the opposite direction, pulling Cassiopeia out of his breast pocket as he ran into further privacy...


End file.
